Archives for March 2022

Expecting to see a recipe?  As a public service I have deleted it.  The only edible substance grosser than rice pudding is rice pudding with raisins.  I got your back!

Yes, there are one thousand things you can name that are not wise; sticking your hand into a rotating meat grinder, packing your own parachute for your first jump or urinating on the electric rail of the Downtown Chicago “L” tracks.  But I am referring to things that many are still doing and will cause emotional as well as physical pain.  Please refrain from:

1. Subscribe to a magazine from Publishers Clearing House even though you may have won $10,000,000. (You didn’t)
2. Give your Social Security number to a Nigerian Prince.
3. Fly in a Boeing 737.

I know these things.

The French Philosopher Michel de Montaigne said these words that ring true to all of us.  If someone said it better before why not use what is already there? (Giving proper credit, of course).

Thank you Jim Jeffries for providing clarity and speaking for all of us when said:
“For me, Mr. T and Donald Trump are the same sort of phenomenon – they’re guys with catchphrases and wacky hair.”

I haven’t been to Starbucks in well over a year so my bonus stars are about to expire (they should have expired a year ago).  In their infinite generosity they emailed me extending the star’s life and imploring me to return and use my stars, enough for a free cup of mediocre coffee. I am going to pass, but if you happen to be in Wilsonville before my stars self destruct I will give you my card so you can avail yourself of their gracious offer.

If you get a cup of Starbucks for free is it still overpriced?

“St. Patrick’s Day is celebrated on March 17 across the globe to recognize Irish culture and history. The Irish first began observing St. Patrick’s Day around the 10th century, where a Roman Catholic feast was held in honor of Saint Patrick, who is believed to have died on March 17, 461, according to History.com”

In Oregon we go them one better.  Every year The Oregon State Lottery holds a drawing with the grand prize of $1,000,000.00.  And, as they shamelessly advertise, it is your best chance of winning a million dollars as they only sell 250,000 tickets at $10.00 each.  The odds of winning are 250,000 to 1; still impossible but better looking on paper that the 295,000,000 to 1 of the Mega Millions game.

I tossed away my usual ten this year with the same result: $0 in return.  I am a little down so if you have an extra million lying around I would appreciate you sending it to me.  Or better yet, send it to The Ukraine.  I doubt anyone there had time to buy a ticket.

Is that person really a friend?  And does she want you to like it because she likes it or is it some type of precognitive event that is designed to shock and amaze; a plea for support or an intuitive act of contrition because she posted it and you had to be prompted to like it?  And what is your definition of “Like?”

Facebook is so confusing!  I guess you have to be Russian to understand how to use it.

When William Shakespeare wrote this line in Act 1 Scene 2 of Julius Caesar it appeared to be a warning to Caesar of his impending surprise surgery in Act 3.  In reality was Shakespeare’s way of issuing a Public Service Announcement to the masses; radio and television were still a few years away.  March 15th is Lupercalia, an ancient Roman religious holiday.  But like many of the Jewish dietary laws, the reason for this warning was based on health and not religious doctrine.

Although they appear to be sweet and juicy in March, Ides do not fully ripen until May and if eaten early contain amygdalin, a cyanogenic glycoside composed of cyanide and sugar also found in apple, pear and cherry seeds. When metabolized in the digestive system, this chemical degrades into highly poisonous hydrogen cyanide (HCN) and can prove fatal.

So please beware and do not consume Ides in March, but feel free to enjoy this tasty treat in May and throughout the summer!

And they did, that is, until I went to visit congress in Washington, D.C.
Apparently both Goodness and Mercy have been banned from entering. Greed and Megalomania, however, have found a home!

Kindling!

The speed your brain processes information begins to decline around age 24, a study from Simon Fraser University found.  You can exercise your brain and counter the aging process. Keeping physically fit and a variety of mental activities are the key.
“One of the main benefits of aging is that we make more accurate decisions with less information,” says psychologist Cynthia Green.  “With age, we know more,” she notes. “And we have better emotional balance.”

So how do you know if your brain is in trouble?  See a medical professional immediately if you have any of these symptoms:

1. You get confused and lost in close proximity to your home.
2. You watch Fox News for any other reason than comedy relief.
3. You believe a massive fraud occurred in the presidential election.
4. You admire Vladimir Putin’s political savvy.
5. I, in my infinite wisdom, judge you to be an idiot. (Most Popular) Call me.