Archives for January 2022

SOPHISTRY –  [ sof–uh-stree ]
1.  A subtle, tricky, superficially plausible, but generally fallacious method of reasoning.
2.  A false argument;

Today, Congress consists of 100 senators and 435 voting members of the House of Representatives. I figure about 10% of them know the meaning of the word yet it describes 99% of their communications.
Use sophistry in a sentence:
“If we remove all the Sophistries from The Congressional Record the entire document would be reduced to two lines: ‘The session is called to order’ and “We are adjourned.”

I saw this article on MSN today.  It had the old standards you might expect; Walt Disney World Resort, Kennedy Space Center, Universal Orlando Resort and the Everglades National Park.  But there were many interesting places that are not household words such as Edward Ball Wakulla Springs State Park, The Vizcaya Museum and Gardens, Ah-Tah-Thi-Ki Museum in Clewiston and the WonderWorks building in Orlando.

There is one major downside of all 50 spots.  In order to see them you have to go to Florida. Yuck.  Still, if you are not gunned down in the street by some nut-bag with a concealed carry permit standing his mythical ground, infected by an unmasked conspiracy theory whack-o, rendered soggy by the heat and humidity, eaten by an alligator, crushed by a python or attacked by a million of the horrific flying roaches called palmetto bugs, you may enjoy visiting a few of these attractions.  But probably not.

While open to interpretation, I believe this message from the teachings of Edgar Cayce goes out to all the murderers, serial killers, rapists, pedophiles, and mimes of the world.  Seriously STOP!  Begin a new day as a non-annoying and law-abiding citizen. A grateful world thanks you.

Fortunately Law Enforcement Agencies around the globe will not stop searching, capturing and incarcerating you.  Many of you will share a cell and provide a rectum for Bubba “Foot Long” Duggar; others will be treated to an injection of pancuronium bromide, potassium chloride and midazolam, a cocktail guaranteed to cure insomnia brought on by guilt and lack of remorse.

Way to go Edgar.  Once again…you NAILED IT!

Holland was an American physician turned poet and novelist in the 19th century.  I believe he gave up medicine out of guilt, after the death of Ezekiel Sproutedwheat, a friend and regular patient in for his weekly routine prostate check.  Holland wanted to vaccinate him for protection against a deadly virus but Ezekiel feared the vaccine was a means of the government injecting mind control microbes into his body. So Dr. Holland went with his heart instead of the science, not wanting to cause his fearful patient further anxiety.

On his death bed Holland recanted, telling everyone that the heart is not actually wiser but causes you to do stupid things like not get vaccinated.  He asked that the following words, his final poem, be his epitaph and indelibly etched on his gravestone:

          “Fraidy-Cat, Moron, Simpleton and Jerk,
            Descriptions of anti-vaxxers that work!”

“I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal” 
Martin Luther King Jr.

Ladies and Germs, we have a long way to go and too many are so paralyzed with fear they have stopped trying.  Be brave and keep the dream alive.

Like most clueless people I consider myself reasonably intelligent.  Mensa has never come knocking on my door offering me free membership but I have managed to make it 71 years and stay married to an Angel for 45 years.  Still try as hard as I may, there are 3 things in this world that I cannot understand.  I have read, consulted that bastion of truth and unbiased information, the internet and spent hours discussing with many people considered experts in their field still resulting in a big, fat zero in the understanding column.  So here is my challenge and offer:  Any person or thing that can clear up just one of these three conundrums for me will receive a full year of free nougat. (Disclaimer: If the transportation of nougat across state lines and international borders has been impacted by the Omicron variant, the judges (me) reserve the right to substitute a hearty hand-clasp in lieu of the confection).
The three things are as follows:

1. Cricket:  I have sat in a sports bar in Manila with no less than 4 British expats watching a live match in the middle of our night as they explained test matches, dibbly-dobbly bowlers, pitch, power play, pudding and pull, runs, batsmen, an over, a nick, no-ball and nurdle and on and on and on….Nothing!  Even Wikipedia let me down and I rely heavily on that site just to get through a day. There is no way to match explanations with what happens on the field; and the game never ends.
2. Cryptocurrency:  All you have to do to become rich is solve problems using enough electricity to light the city of Poughkeepsie for a week and then you have created a coin that may be worth $300,000.00 today and barely get you a Hershey Chocolate Bar tomorrow; that is, if you can find anyone who accepts crypto in exchange for anything. Bitcoin, Ethereum, Dogecoin, Litecoin, Polkadot, Erectile Dysfunction…Oh, sorry, that’d from another email…You get the idea. I guess Elon Musk understands it because you can buy a Tesla with it because he needs the cash.
3. Non-Fungible Tokens (NFT): I thought non-fungible meant it was resistant to penicillin.  But I find out it is a non-interchangeable unit stored on a blockchain that cannot be duplicated. Some original art NFT’s have gone for $600,000.00 so I guess they are good to have. So NFT = WTF but I would like one if you have an extra.

This is a bit of a sticky-wicket so may all your tokens be fungible!

 

Just an old kid’s joke?  Perhaps, but have you ever delved deeper into snot to learn the secrets of that mysterious substance?  What exactly is that gooey, viscous liquid that gushes forth on command with a good blow; hopefully into an immediately discarded disposable tissue and not a cloth handkerchief to be folded and reinserted into one’s pocket for future use?

Snot, or mucous as the stodgy old medical community refers to it, are nasal secretions that originate mostly from submucosal glands and goblet cells. Mucus is composed of water (95%); glycoproteins (2%); albumin, immunoglobulins, lysozyme, lactoferrin and other proteins (1%); inorganic salts (1%); and lipids (<1%).

So the next time you see someone using a handkerchief for nose blowing rather than accessorizing their Brioni Men’s Floral Dinner Jacket (Bergdorf Goodman – $10,000), ask them the following: “Do you really want to spend the day carrying around moist albumin and immunoglobulins?”  They will thank you later.

…After medicine, right?  That joke is so old the first record of it being told was found in hieroglyphics on the walls of Tutankhamen’s pyramid when it was unearthed in 1922.  But it’s also true.

Laughter strengthens your immune system, boosts mood, diminishes pain, protects you from the damaging effects of stress, lightens your burdens, inspires hope, connects you to others and keeps you grounded, focused and alert. Humor also helps you release anger and forgive sooner.

So in order to enhance your health and well-being I offer this joke to brighten your day:
    “Fox News is fair and balanced!”  Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

“Ravens are smart; really smart. Studies have shown they can use tools, remember human faces and even plan for the future.  Ravens have demonstrated  tendency to favor people who show them kindness and hold grudges against those that treat them poorly.  These are not fleeting and may last for years.”

The next time a Raven cuts you off in traffic, makes too much noise after 10:00pm or disrespects you in any way I suggest you think twice before flipping that bird the bird.

 Baskin -Robbins flavor Winter White Chocolate is arguably one of the best flavors they have created.  I went to buy what they pass for a pint (actually it is 12 ounces) and found that they now charge $8.49 for that teeny-weeny container.  I can get 48 ounces of Oregon’s superior Tillamook Ice Cream for half that amount. They might not have that flavor but I can cope with a substitute.

In response to the usurious price increase I have this message for Baskin-Robbins:
“Get over yourself! It’s just ice cream butt-munch, not gold or Viagra. You are now dead to me, buried alongside of Ben & Jerry.

I know I said 31 reasons but that was just marketing; like them trying to make you think their product is something more then it is…It’s not.