Archives for 2021

Because he could no longer abide frightened and sniveling morons still railing about an election where millions of illegal votes supposedly were cast, even though there is not a shred of credible proof that it happened.  But these sad people are so enamored of a certifiably whack-o misogynistic megalomaniac who is such a monstrous narcissist he cannot accept his crushing defeat that they continue to propagate the big lie.

I hear that busses are being chartered so any of you that still believe this fairy tale can catch a free ride to the Tallahatchie Bridge.  Good luck!

With all the turmoil enveloping our daily life it does my heart good to see that our younger generation showing support for the executive branch of our government..  
Everywhere you look there are rotund, orange jack-o-lanterns with straw comb-overs paying tribute to our twice impeached past president.  

(Sniff, sniff) So Touching….

The term Crossing the Rubicon refers to going “all-in” on something; passing the point of no return.  Julius Caesar’s crossed the Rubicon River on 10 January, 49 BC, making an irreversible commitment that led to the Roman Civil War, the rise of the imperial era of Rome and Caesar’s becoming dictator.  But taking that leap of faith does not always result in the victory you anticipate so beware. 

Think back to an incident when you Crossed the Rubicon.  How did that turn out?
To avoid repeating a disaster remember the last time you did one of these things:

• Ate at a buffet.
• Argued with your wife.
• Had one more for the road.
• Volunteered at work.
• Honestly answered the Question “Does this make me look fat?” 
• Ate a yogurt past its expiration date.
• Tried to get through the intersection on a yellow light.
• Bought sushi at the Mini-mart.

“Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” 
                                                                                                          George Santayana

I am speaking, speaking, of course, about my paring knife, Natasha.  I name most of my utensils (doesn’t everyone?) as they tend to take on a personality of their own.

Natasha is quite dangerous ever since I had the misfortune of an errant slice on a tomato caused my left index finger to endure a blood-gushing wound.  A recent encounter with her while slicing celery on a bias again left my abused left index finger with another massive gash  It took Linda’s nursing skill and three adhesive bandages to stem the flow.  And curse my misfortune, I was out of SpongeBob SquarePants and had to rely on the Star Wars band Aids until I could get to the store.

But this story is not about Band Aids.  It is about a kitchen knife that has once tasted blood and can no longer be trusted to protect its master.  I was in a quandary as to what to do with Natasha. She is so sharp; perhaps to0 much so for her own good.  I considered burying her in the back yard, but I live in a townhouse without one.  No, I decided I was the superior intellect and should simply gird my loins for battle and either make her an ally or a vassal.  I won and since then have sliced many a tomato without incident.  Not taking anything away from my inspired battle strategy, I do owe a little credit to my new Kevlar Gloves.

I share the gloves with Linda who needs to wear them while using our hand operated grater “Knuckles.”

In the 19th century, “Penny Dreadfuls” were serialized installments of stories you could buy for a penny.   Millions were fascinated, horrified, and titillated by the grisly tales of murder, crime, and the supernatural, with the occasional romance thrown in to broaden the audience.  Interestingly they were extremely popular with children and teenagers. Current thinking credits the popularity of Penny Dreadfuls with helping to promote literacy, especially among younger readers.   This was a time when, for many children, formal education was nonexistent or “Dickensian.” 

But alas, that is a time gone by.  Nowadays between texting, social media and apathy literacy is struggling.  But on a happier note Penny Dreadful tales are now available daily at no charge.  Just read (or watch) the news.

After a great deal of experimentation and product trials I have irrefutable evidence that using Band-Aids decorated in the SpongeBob SquarePants motif are more comfortable, promote quicker healing and, if the rumors are true, are set to take center stage at Paris Fashion week next year, (New York Fashion week is so 20 minutes ago).  For me personally, it is SpongeBob all the way!

Honorable mention goes to Dora the Explorer Band-Aids.  While they are equal in comfort and healing ability, style conscious Band-Aid wearers find them a touch juvenile.

Third palace goes to the Star Wars  motif.  Although long out of date, they have managed to garner the nostalgia vote by the aging Gen-Xers still concerned with adhesive strip imagery.

Remember, you heard it here first!

I guess I should follow the trend and ignore science like so many today.  I was always told that if you get cold you catch a cold.  Now I find out that the common cold is a viral infection.  And while the cold weather may be a contributing factor as it drives people inside, more than half the colds are caused by the Rhinovirus.  There are 200 other viruses that can cause the common cold and we have no vaccines for them.  We are fortunate to have vaccines for the more deadly Corona Virus.  With continued scientific research we may someday have a vaccine able to eradicate the common cold.  

Then most of us can dump the Nyquil, frolic in the cold, sit back and enjoy the freak show as the anti-vaxxer nit-wits go crazy demanding their right to sneeze not be infringed upon!

The AARP is a great organization that works tirelessly to improve the quality of life for us old geezers.  Many groups publish a list of money-wasters such as lottery tickets, unused gym memberships, magazine subscriptions and buying anything on credit.   Every group has one expense at the top of their list: designer coffee, most notably STARBUCKS!  They want to take away the one human equalizer, a place where the wealthy and the not-so-wealthy can blend together like Arabica and Robusta beans!

I don’t disagree.  Posh coffee can be costly.  Pre-retirement, when I had a steady income, I occasionally stopped at Starbucks.  Needing a caffeine boost one afternoon I ran out and offered to buy a coffee for a co-worker.  She texted me her order which included three shots of this and two shots of that, foam in a direction and half of a calf or some nonsense.  Bottom line was that instead of a cup of coffee I delivered an $8.75 science experiment.

But this is America, a place where even a financially challenged citizen can occasionally spring for an overpriced coffee. 

As I said before, I am onboard with most of the money-saving tips the AARP has outlined for me.  We have no unused gym memberships, pay our credit card off every month and rarely eat out.  But they need to rethink the part about not buying lottery tickets.  After all, a wise man once said, “If you don’t have a ticket you can’t win.”

Linda, as usual, came up with a great plan.  Whenever I want a lottery ticket she told me to give her the money and she will toss it into the street.  Her logic is that I have the same chance of winning and I save money on gas and save time by not leaving home.  

I married a genius!