Archives for 2021

On this day, May 29, 1953, two men reached the summit of Mt. Everest for the first time.  They were Tenzing Norgay, a Nepalese Sherpa and Sir Edmund Hilary, A Beekeeper, Mountaineer and Explorer from New Zealand.   The story told upon their descent was that Hilary was first to reach the summit and therefore received all the accolades, fame, fortune and a place in history books while Norgay became a footnote on the page.   
Credible evidence from unnamed but reliable sources now brings that account into question.  Many now realize that it was the expert climber and veteran of many attempts to reach the summit, Tanzing Norgay that placed the first foot on the top of the world.  But because it was a British funded expedition and Edmund Hilary was their guy, Norgay was forced to support the fictionalized story and “step down” in favor of Hilary. 

Upon hearing the evidence last week the republican leadership in the US Congress immediately called for hearings on Hilary and his possible connection to Benghazi.

You have reached a url that is currently devoid of humor, cleverness, entertainment or, in general, anything worth spending time reading and certainly not worth straining your eyes!  So go read a book, play with the kids, get vaccinated (you heard me, use your brain and get vaccinated, you conspiracy theory freak-a-zoid. It’s called science, S-C-I-E-N-C-E.  Really, you’re still reading this.  Let me explain: “I have nothing to say today.”  I am just writing to fill up space .  In the same way the long-winded diatribes people with entirely too much time on their hands…Like Me…post on russian controlled sites like Facebook, this will be generally ignored.  I understand no intelligent human will still be reading.  Seriously, you have nothing better to do?  BUT since you are loyal I will add some value so this is not a total waste  of time. I include this valuable public service announcement:  CALL YOUR MOTHER or another loved one with whom you have not spoken in far too long. 
Until tomorrow when the creative juices will again flow… Do svidaniya!  I mean bye.

Another gem invades my email inbox.  As a modern male not afraid to get in touch with his feminine side, I made time to read this article.  What I discovered were brilliant lessons in slumber-ology for everyone; you, me and they who are seeking a better night’s sleep, with or without hot flashes.
Spoiler Alert: Implementing the five simple but effective practices below will result in better sleep as soon as tonight.  Get ready to have your mind blown and your eyes closed!

• Have a warm shower to dilate the skin, which will facilitate heat loss and in turn cool down your core.
• Journal or write down anything that you need to stop circulating in your brain.
• Read something relaxing.
• Meditate or do yoga to anchor the mind and calm your breathing. 
• You also need to dim the lights well before bed.

Alternatively, inherit a large sum of money, quit your job and move to a more temperate climate.  Both work.

For those of you rare human beings that see a person for what they are on the inside and don’t define people by their ethnicity, sexuality, looks or body hair and are open and caring enough to overlook the societal difficulties created by dating out of your species, in this instance a werewolf, I offer these full moon suggestions:

• Forego the romantic moonlight dinner in favor of an afternoon tea.
• If this is the 3rd to 5th date where you are considering rounding 3rd base and heading for home perhaps contract a 24 hour flu and postpone.
• If the two of you are already in a more intimate relationship or this is your first date but met your partner via Tinder, suggest a cup of coffee and scone for a breakfast date at Starbucks, explaining to your canis lupus friend you have to go to Kansas to attend Auntie Em’s birthday party and will call when the moon is in its waning gibbous phase.

Think about it.  If a werewolf asks you out for a date on the night of a full moon, my guess is he’s really not that into you, at least not in the way you think!

In 1927, an era where naivety was considered a virtue, Buddy DeSylva and Lew Brown wrote these lyrics and they might have rung true. Then.
Today viewing the moon is still free.  But any other of the best things in life like a quality education, access to affordable healthcare and a slightly more equitable distribution of wealth,  hopefully just enough to see that all our children have enough to eat…well, I guess that’s just crazy talk!

Is it possible to give less of a rat’s-ass about anything as stupid as crypto-currency losing half its value?
Oh yeah it is possible, I forgot about the Kardashians.

In 1922 Robert Frost surreptitiously confessed to a crime that rocked the literary world to such an extent that the ramifications are still widely debated within the ivy covered walls of today’s most revered liberal arts universities**  Disguised as a masterful example of the beauty of the written word, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening, the poem that Frost himself  called  “My best bid for remembrance,”  should be required reading for everyone.***  In the confession Frost admits he is trespassing but, having previously staked out the area, knows he can commit the crime undetected based on the fact the property owner maintains his primary residence in the Village some miles away.  Ignoring the foreboding bell shake of his equine companion, Frost did with intent and, some would argue malice aforethought, gaze at the magnificence of the ethereal tableau.
We are all familiar with the question “If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it does it make a sound?” This begs the debate starting question “if a victimless crime is committed in the forest and nobody sees it, was a crime actually committed?  Frost created a work of art that is also an unsolvable conundrum inflicting on us countless nights of agonizing reflection and lost sleep.

The literary and legal controversy rages on in classrooms and moot courts the world over.  The intellectual arguments will continue long after we are gone.  And, as Robert Frost predicted, so will the Poem. 

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**Known to trumpers only as seething beds of radical-right socialism where students dangerously learn to think on their own.
*** If  you are a trumper have someone read it to you and don’t get in a homophobic frenzy when you hear the word “queer.” In this case it is a synonym for odd or unusual.  OMG do I have to explain synonym to you as well?

Words of Wisdom from the boss, Mr. Misrell, to his unhappy employee Gart Williams.  After calling Misrell “Fatboy,” quitting his job and pouring down a bottle of Maalox to sooth his ulcerated stomach, Gart boarded the commuter train home to deliver the news to his shrewish demon of a wife.  Fortunately for Gart the train made an unscheduled stop at Willoughby, a small town suspended in the 1890s, where the conductor assured him “a man can live his life full measure.”  Taking a deep breath Gart exited the train and immediately transformed into a local resident, accepting an invitation from two young boys (still acceptable behavior in those days) to go fishing the next day.  Gart Williams had entered Paradise; or so he thought.

While at first, dumping his job and wife was wonderful, reality soon hit him like a frozen snowbank when jumping off a speeding train.  There was no air conditioning and Willoughby was hot as…well, you know; indoor plumbing was a luxury that had not yet reached the rural areas, KKK membership was mandatory and the politicians so corrupt an observer might mistake it for this year.

We’ve talked about A-Hole bosses before.  Stay on the train, suck it up, and move on!

Norton 360 with Lifelock selflessly sent me an email this morning warning of the perils of the Internet. I wanted to pass it along and let you know they are offering a 30% discount on your first year of protection, (How do they make a profit at that price?).
Anyway, these good people have blown the lid off cybersecurity with this tip: “Do not accept friend requests from strangers!” BRILLIANT!
Just yesterday I was on my way to the bank to deposit $5,000 into the account of a Nigerian Prince so that he could send me $5 Million when a stranger I met on-line surprised me and asked me to get into his van (I loved his darkly tinted windows).  To repay his kindness I shared the tip with him.  He astutely pointed out that if I had not accepted a stranger’s friend request we would not have met.  In gratitude I cut him in on the Nigerian Prince deal. He was so appreciative he let me out unharmed on a desolate road in the mountains.

 The tip has kept me safe already! Pass it on!