Archives for 2021

Millions were riveted to their television watching several police cars chase a white Ford Bronco.  The seemingly slow-motion action culminated in the arrest of actor/athlete O.J. Simpsons for double murder.  Mr. Simpson was acquitted of all charges but new information obtained from an anonymous source in  Palm Beach, Florida, has put forth the theory that although innocent, OJ would not pull over because he had had several ballot boxes stuffed with phony democratic votes for Joe Biden that would someday steal an election.   

This investigative report definitely gets them nominated for a Pulitzer Prize in Journalism.

“Tori Spelling says she and Dean McDermott don’t sleep in the same bed!”

I have not read the article but my guess is it was a mutual decision.
I assume he got tired of fantasizing he was doing Jenny Garth  and she could no longer stomach his dribbling Cream of Wheat on the pillow case.
Didn’t Tori’s dad have about a bazillion dollars?  Move along Dean.  If Tori’s Mom hasn’t shared the money by now you are most likely S.O.L.

Those were the words of Father Damien Karass’ dead mother, pathetically questioning her son’s choice of placing her in a nursing home. In reality it was only Damien’s guilty conscience that allowed the demon possessing Regan MacNeil  to get in his head and manifest his mother’s pathetic image. 

The demon, in its effort to increase Damien’s agony did something that actually made him feel better.  He intimated that Mom had taken up a new hobby and has eternity to perfect her skills.  She now spends all her time creating a vortex of suction surrounding the male member in a location only arrived at by taking the #5 Ferry down the River Styx.

Get it?  If you were a member of the movie-going public in 1973 or into William Peter Blatty novels you should have no problem. 
Too young?  Figure it out.

In the past I have shared beautiful readings sent to me daily by Edgar Cayce’s A.R.E.  This was Sunday’s Daily Thought.   Interesting?

“(Q) Should I take ultra-violet ray baths? 
(A) When there are periods where the weather provides little or no ultra-violet rays by daylight or strong sunlight, then these are always helpful.”      (ECRL 1158-11)
Here are a few alternative choices of equal to this one:

• Take a daily two hour nap on a tanning bed.
• Ingest a Strontium-90 capsule to put a glow in your day.
• Eat an Apple a day glazed with Alar.
• Don’t want to vaccinate?  Pour a tall glass of disinfectant  and enjoy!

Although I could have gotten some pretty long odds 45 years ago that Linda would be able to put up with me for this long it is true.  An Angel was sent from heaven to take care of me and I was smart enough to realize it immediately and not mess it up. So on this day while we celebrate another anniversary I want to share an oft repeated scene from our marriage so that you may use the technique to create your own Heaven on Earth!  I believe this example of a typical argument will serve to help you understand our unique methods.

Fred:  (after a rant about some stupid little thing) “I’m sorry, baby.”
Linda: “Sorry about what?”
Fred: (not understanding) “About ranting at you about…(Whatever).”
Linda: “Oh, I stopped listening to you an hour ago. Do you want a cup of tea?”

What is most amazing about this historical photograph?

• • •  That in 1968 I had the honor to accompany my teacher, Duane Carter, and a few classmates to the home of my personal hero, Ansel Adams (see 1/2 image at left) to have him judge the Annual Photo Salon of Alexander Hamilton High School in Los Angeles, CA, an exhibition that drew attention far beyond the school walls?
    • That he awarded 1st and 3rd place in the nature category to two of my photographs?
    • That I was so careless I lost the photos and awards in a basement flood in Chicago in 1996?
    • That the handsome, skinny 17 year old with a full head of hair and demonic eyes turned into…well…ME!

Memories…light the corners of my mind…

Today we introduce a new feature: “ASK FREDERICK?” 
As the possessor of vast knowledge and infinite common sense I feel it my mission in life to share with you my life-changing revelations acquired from years of experience.  I will do so by answering questions submitted by my adoring fans.  
Here is the first letter I received just yesterday:

“Dear Frederick:
I am a lifelong supporter of the Second Amendment, abolition of all programs for the needy (aka radical left socialism), ending taxation of the rich so they can create jobs, cutting Social Security, Medicare and reversing the illegal outcome of the last election that was stolen by the democrats.  As a concerned citizen (MAGA!!) I want to throw my hat in the ring and seek elected office.  How do I enter politics?
Future President

Dear Future:  The process is simple.  To get on most ballots you need to get a certain amount of signatures on a petition to show you are a viable candidate.  The number of signatures needed varies with geography and population. You need to pick an office and then comply with election laws. Here is a list of offices for which you qualify:
Mayor of CrazyTown
Senator from the Great State Nut-Sylvania
Delirious-in-Chief:
Secretary of Shite
Commissioner of Cuckoo
Superintendent of Screw Loose

In a word: RUMSPRINGA!
Rumspringa is the rite of passage where Amish youth are allowed to live outside the community for varying periods of time, perhaps up to two years, and are not bound to follow their religious tenants which most of the world outside their community find strict and repressive.  But while they are out they can party like it’s 1999!
Other religions have their rites where anything goes as well.  But they call it Altar Boy Training.

On this day in 1982 Steven Spielberg premiered his amazing film “E.T. The Extraterrestrial” and the world was transformed.  Many living in fear saw the possibility of hope and friendship in the unknown.  The film genre turned from featuring murderous aliens bent on our destruction to enlightened beings with hearts of gold.
We became so accepting of the possibility alien cultures exist for our benefit that we may have, in 2017, elected an alien being to the highest office in our country.  But instead of hope and love he brought back hate and fear and sought to destroy all that had been gained.  Still, we are a compassionate race and while we do not as yet have the technology to return him and his coven to their native planet, we can create a reasonable facsimile for him to live out his life in peace.
Hope has returned as we are optimistic he will soon be transported to an idyllic *’8′ x 10′ cell on Riker’s Island.