Archives for 2021

Another helpful email.  But this was so obvious I deleted it before reading.  
There is one reason that encompasses them all.  You are wasting money because you are shopping at Walmart.  Their prices are no longer that low and I am pretty sure I saw Alice Walton shopping at Costco!
Even with her $70 Billion she knows a good deal when she sees it!

I won’t keep you in suspense.  Bill wrote about what the world Health Organization is doing to combat the malaria carrying mosquito in Sub-Saharan Africa.  While this is a noble effort I want to do something as important for America!  We have mosquitos too and we need help in combating them. 

Again, Fred to the rescue.  I received this email today from Orkin Pest Control.
“Summer may be coming to an end, but there’s still plenty of time to savor the outdoors. Schedule now to save $50 on Mosquito Control.”

With this kind of savings no one need suffer the agony of an itchy mosquito bite.  This offer was sent directly to me but I have verified that if you tell them I sent you they will selflessly allow you to benefit from these substantial savings.
You’re welcome.

Hi Ladies and Germs:
Fred’s channeling me as a space filler.  I thought I’d try to update my material. Here goes:

A guy came up to me in front of trump tower and asked for $2,000 for a cup of coffee.  I said a tall mocha latte at Starbucks is only $6.00.  He said “I need to drink it in Florida since I have been disgraced and the D.A. in NYC is out to get me.

For their anniversary she asked her husband to take her somewhere she had never been before, so he took her to an American Citizenship class.  So how did you become a citizen, I asked?  She replied I got an EB-1 immigrant visa also known as an “Einstein Visa,” reserved for those that bring special skills and talents needed in the country.  But you had to take your website down because you lied about your education.  You didn’t get a college degree.  She said I didn’t need a degree, I did something much more difficult to get here.  I let  an orange narcissistic sociopath climb on me!  I should get a star on the Walk of Fame along with citizenship.

I’ll be here all week.  Don’t forget to tip your waitress…I mean server.

INFLUENCER
{in-floo-uhn-ser}
       Individual with an internet presence that gives false hope to their follower, a group of mindless sycophants who seek acceptance in a world they do not understand by copying  superficial qualities they inexplicably admire in the false hope of improving their pathetic lives.  Famous influencers or “Douchebags” as they are commonly called, who make vast sums of money off the shattered dreams of their followers may include anyone famous with the last names Kardashian, Jenner or trump.  Lesser known influencers make money off getting enough lemmings to click onto their ad-infested site and get paid by the advertisers for every click on an ad.
     Why didn’t I think of that?

 

I started to read this article but I have trouble maintaining my concentration on any list longer than 3 items so let me summarize this for you:

• 1 – 33:  Any MAGA rally where lame-brains with too much time on their hands believe exposing yourself and others to a deadly virus without taking the slightest precaution is the best method of exercising their constitutional freedom to be stupid.
• 34: Public Restrooms where the door handle is 300 times more likely to have germs than the toilet seat.
• 35: Everywhere else.

The portrait titled “Giocondo” is believed to be of the wife of Italian businessman and merchant Francesco del Giocondo.  You less educated dilettantes may know it as the “Mona Lisa,” by a painter I like to call Leonardo da Vinci.  It has been hung in The Louvre behind bullet proof glass for many years.

Get it?  I made it sound like the French executed a woman. Hah, fooled you!  Okay, so it’s a cheesy joke not worthy of one as intellectually gifted as myself.  YOU try being clever every day.  It’s a free site.   Give me a courtesy chuckle and move along! 
Whew!  Tough crowd.

I received the above title email today and a new question.  We want to cruise The Nile but how far in advance should a couple in their seventies plan?  No problem getting the reservation but you have to prepay or make a substantial down payment.  
What if something better comes along?  Perhaps George and Amal Clooney will invite us up to their chateau on Lake Como at the last minute because Rande and Cindy had to cancel and Amal had her heart set on some thought-provoking and witty conversation. (I hear George is pure eye candy; nothing up top).   It could happen.  We would miss the refund deadline and get stuck eating fifteen thousand bucks in unused reservations?  A conundrum.  Should I book a trip almost 2 years in advance with so many unknown factors?

Maybe, just to be safe, I should give Amal and George a call before booking a cruise.  Does anyone have their phone number?

I was reading the news on the internet today and saw this article.  Perhaps I should have taken the time to read it because I have no idea why they purr.
Who cares?

Have you ever thought about that?  For example:

• “Gone South”  –  Metaphor meaning things went wrong.
• The South Side  –  Always the roughest part of a city; Where Bad, Bad Leroy Brown met his demise;  the “Baddest part of town“…Jim Croce
• The Deep South  –  Where science and reason are left at the border.
• The South Pole  –  Desolation. Even Santa and Superman picked the North Pole or Arctic for their primary residence.

You can make the word south much better by simply adding the letters ern at the end.

• Southern Hospitality  –  While perhaps a thing of the past they used to be nice down there.
• Southern Comfort  –  The standard by which all fruit flavored whiskey liqueurs are judged!
• Southern Fried Chicken  –  Ain’t nothin’ wrong with that!
• Southern Charm  –   Sweeter than clover honey dripping off Aunt Jody’s homemade biscuits!

Editor’s Note:  While Fred has historically not been very complimentary regarding the Southern States, he wants his scores of friends condemned to live in that unpleasant geography to know that he only says these for their humorous value and for the fact they are true.  He offers the same advice to you he would to residents of homes occupied by Freddy Krueger,  Jason Voorhees or Leatherface: “GET OUT!”

(While still on the subject of Nietzsche, see yesterday’s post…)

I, of course, refer to my friend and philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche whom I happened to run into the other day on the #5 bus going to the beach.  Freddy, as his friends address him, said the following, “Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster.”   It seems he must have been referring to Vampires, *(I know he was a huge Buffy fan while I found Willow Rosenberg much more alluring, a topic of many a good natured argument between us).  When you lose a fight to a vampire you do become a vampire whereas if you lose a fight to Godzilla you are a mere appetizer and gone forever.

There are those who believe Nietzsche was actually saying that in any type of altercation, verbal, mental or physical, strive to maintain your humanity even when your adversary does not.  Sure.  How many people can we name that live or lived by that?  Jesus, Gandhi…Gandhi…Jesus…Ga…certainly none of us on Facebook!  

We can learn many life-altering lessons from important quotes.  Here are a few that are much more to our liking and easier to follow: “All’s fair in love and war.”  “Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing!”  “Tuesday is Senior Discount Day, proof of age required.”