Archives for December 2021

Much like all efficient government organizations, the SSA helps by letting you start the application for your child’s Social Security Number before you leave the hospital.  Additionally the SSA famously releases an annual list of the most popular name choices.  The List lets you search for top names by year, decade and state and see how your own handle (or any other) has held up over time. It’s a treasure trove of ideas for naming your newborn, a task so daunting apparently they believe many parents are trapped in the hospital for days trying to complete the forms.

So if you wish for the government to get an early jump on tracking your kids here is a list of the top 10 suggestions for names in keeping with the “new order.” 

1. Artoo-Deetoo
2. THX-1138
3. Roomba
4. Hal
5. Tron
6. Klara
7. Number 6
8. Wall-E
9. Optimus Prime
10. Marvin

I had to…

• Pinch a loaf.  Good thing I was in a bakery.
• Squeeze the cheese.  Fortunate of me to be in a grocery store.
• Take the Browns to the Super Bowl.  Lucky I was in Cleveland.
• Unloose the caboose.  Happened to be in the train station.
• Log an entry.  I keep a journal.
• Offload some freight.  Got to FedEx just in time.
• Plant some corn.  I was in the garden.
• Make room for lunch.  It was Noon.
• Deploy the USS Brownfish.  By chance I was at the shipyard.
• Get something down on paper.  Lounging in my home office.
• Download some software.  Good timing as I was in front of my computer.

Just when you think you can’t sink any lower, the urge is unstoppable!

 

Welcome.
Join me in becoming present and letting the cares and worries you carry with you float away.  Yesterday is gone and tomorrow has not arrived; there is only the here and now. 

Take a deep breath and forget about the meaningless crushing debt under which you live, whether it be from credit cards, rampant borrowing or student loans.  Realize you will never go back to school, learn a language or play that instrument.  Take a deep breath and accept the harsh realities of today’s banal existence and gut-wrenching political turmoil.  You are where you will remain, a rudderless vessel caught in the vortex of a tumultuous sea, edging ever closer to the Bermuda Triangle…and that’s ok.
Now close your eyes and effortlessly slip into a deep, nurturing sleep.

Namaste.

Although our athletes will still be able to attend the 2020 Winter Olympic Games, the U.S. and now Australia have said there will be a “Diplomatic Boycott: of the event.  I assume that means we taxpayers will not have to foot the bill for our representatives taking an all-expense paid vacation in Beijing.

But China has threatened to make us pay the price.  So I guess we can expect huge price increases at Walmart since somewhere in the neighborhood of 99% of their merchandise comes from there.

I just hope P.F. Chang doesn’t raise the price of their Lettuce Wraps.  They’re already $13.00 for a leaf of lettuce and 12 cents worth of filling…but good!

If you possess any of these skills or attributes we want to hear from you today!

• Self-worth is not based on your job title.
• Able to differentiate between regular, large and supersized.
• Stocking Shelves is your “Jam.”
• Enjoy interacting with supervisors that are half your age and may have attained a G.E.D.
• Belief that any honest work can be fulfilling.
• Able to exist on Ramen noodles, white bread and generic peanut butter.
• Body temperature is near 98.6 degrees and you are breathing.

No resume necessary; Come on down!

According to my old age guru organization the AARP, following are ten things you should never carry in your wallet:

• Social Security card, COVID-19 vaccination record card,  Multiple credit cards and credit-card receipts, Checkbook or even one blank check, Work ID card, Passport, List of your passwords, Gift card not fully redeemed, Birth certificate, Library card.  How big a wallet do they think I have?

So, what are the best things to carry?  A credit card, and emergency $20.00 bill tucked under a flap, an emergency contact card with a list of medications and allergy, automobile insurance card, 20% off coupon from Bed, Bath & Beyond; all good choices.
And, of course, a condom?  I mean, what else would you use to make a slingshot when you need one NOW?

Falling asleep between 10:00 and 11:00PM just might do your heart good.  This according to a new study that found adults whose bedtime begins during that hour are at lower risk of developing heart disease compared with adults who fall asleep either earlier or later at night.​

The Article, however, came from The European Heart Journal.  What if you’re not in Europe’s time zone?
Does that mean if you are in New York you have to go to bed at 5:00PM or in Manila at 6:00AM?

It is impossible to stick to that rigid a schedule.  I have only 2 reasons to go to bed; 
(1) When I’m tired, or (2) When Jennifer Anniston invites me, and the second one only happens when I am already asleep.

The region of Avignon, located in southern France, is renowned for its wineries. During the Saturday night that falls during Chanukah, and after Shabbat has ended, the Jews of Avignon open a new bottle of local wine in their homes and make a toast. Then, each family travels around their neighborhood to taste the wines chosen by their neighbors and to toast to the miracle of Chanukah.  Neighbors and friends, without regard to religious beliefs, are known to join in the festivities and raise a glass of wine to miracles and peace.

You think there might be a lesson here?

    I said there would be no advertising on this site.  Actually there will be no paid advertising.  But I feel it is my duty to tell those of you who may be unaware that the HOOPER’S ORCHARD exists about this amazing place.  Known as The Disney World of Apple Orchards, it is located in the heart of the booming metropolis of Monroe, Maine.  Belle, Ben and Matthew grow the best Honey Crisp Apples and about a zillion other apple varieties, vegetables, apple related products and also produce honey from their own hives, (actually they are from beehives, but on their land, a fine distinction).
    So next time you are passing through Monroe on your way to the supermarket during apple season, stop in pick your own apples or get lost in the magical corn maze, (if you see Linda in there tell her I am still  looking for her).

https://www.hoopersorchard.com/

     
Personal Favorites: Hellish Relish & Liberty Pink Applesauce.

 

The Contributor is unavailable to post as he is taking a Mental Health Day.
Obviously it is not working.