Archives for December 2021

But you don’t have to wait until December 21st to live in darkness.  Here are a few other ways to eradicate the light and create eternal night regardless of the date:

• Watch a “Keeping up with the Kardashians” marathon.
• Read every political post on Facebook until you find one that actually changes your mind or enlightens you in any way.
• Invite Uncle Saul and Aunt Bea to bring over their vacation photos from the all-inclusive resort in Cancun.
• Make an appointment with a time-share salesperson.
• In a hurry?  Just turn on Fox News.

Congratulations John!  He lost over 100 lbs. using a seldom tried method.  He didn’t spend a fortune on pills or potions; by expensive exercise equipment or read one of the 100 books out every year on the “Smart” way to lose weight.  I hope he does not sue me for releasing his secret for free but here goes:   He paid attention to portion control so as not to overeat and increased his walking, striving for 10,000 steps a day.

Sounds like a lot of work to me. 

     This 1988 Quote from Isaac Asimov could have been said yesterday.  In fact it was.  I said it when referring to the tens of thousands of frightened, senseless, short-sighted, witless and ill-advised boneheads who refuse to get vaccinated, wear a mask or add nothing to the effort to eradicate this virus.
    To dear friends who recognize their behavior in these words please know that I do respect your opinion in many things except the above behavior and all my snarky comments apply to you as well.  You should know better!

I have not spent a lot of time recommending books in The Daily Inflammation (See Best Books Ever).  But as we watch our republic being destroyed by deranged politicians with a constituency fueled by fear and ignorance it might help to get lost in a book on occasion.  This view is of a time in the very near future, perhaps tomorrow, where hope and friendship can be found in artificial intelligence. 

At least, that’s what I think it was about.  Might just be a robot story lamenting the demise of Radio Shack retail outlets.  It’s open to interpretation.

Really?
In my youth we called that being a “Jerk-Off.”

I am often told I am an inspiration by my thousands of adoring fan (Linda).

Contrary to popular belief, however, I was not Jim Henson’s inspiration for his green furry monster Oscar the Grouch.  That honor goes to a rude waiter at the New York restaurant Oscar’s Salt of the Sea. But let’s not condemn all servers based on one bad experience.  In fact, we should all take this opportunity to thank our restaurant servers from all types of eating and drinking establishments. 

Servers are on the front lines of getting back to normal in these pandemic days, when fun and relaxation are so rare.  Be understanding if there attitude and service is less than stellar.   You don’t know what they have been through.   Perhaps their boss insisted they get to work on time.  They might have been pressured to clean the soup off the menus or fill ketchup bottles and salt shakers before getting their first break.  And a full shift taking patrons orders, memorizing specials (or reading from the cheat sheet), and the endless carrying plates of food to their tables.  Add bringing extra napkins and filling water glasses and you have fertile ground for a nervous breakdown.

Perhaps I was not the model for Oscar the Grouch but you can make a case for my being the inspiration for Bevis’ pal Butthead.  Yes?

I was so happy to receive this news in my inbox this morning.  I was certain the deadline had passed for you to pick something appropriate out for me.  Norwegian Cruise Lines, the Santa Claus of travel gifts, was suggesting an excursion to the Mexican Riviera or Hawaii.  Either would be fine even though I was hoping for Spain, Ireland and The United Kingdom.  But the Mexican Riviera or the Aloha State are Muy Bueno as well. 

So play it by ear, let your conscience be your guide, go with your gut and do the right thing.  I simply wanted to give you a suggestion in keeping with my personal moral code: “It is better to give than receive!”

Each year on your birthday Facebook makes it easy to entice your friends to donate to a worthy cause in lieu of giving you a gift which, by the way, they had no intention of doing in the first place.

This year I am taking them up in their offer to help an important cause.
Please locate a friend or stranger that is so riddled with unreasonable fear and has had their brains so scrambled by some conspiracy theory website that they have not as yet been vaccinated.  Then pay for a round-trip Uber to take them to the nearest pharmacy to get vaccinated so they may join the world in eradicating a killer virus.
Bless you all.

I guess that answers the question as to why Fred and Mary Anne Trump named their son Experience and he changed it to Donald.

And for those of you that are less perceptive the helmet I refer to is a condom and the soldier that wears the helmet is…well if you have to be told that you might as well skip the rest of this post as it will have no meaning to you.

The law signed in October by California Governor Gavin Newsom, one of the few politicians that actually cares about their constituents, makes it a civil offense under state law for someone to remove a condom without their partners consent; a practice known as “stealthing” that turns consensual sex into a form of rape, exposing the victim to possible disease and unwanted pregnancy.  I can hear the Neanderthal misogynists stroking their AR-15s and decrying new impediments to sexual assault, or as they call it, Saturday Night.

I say “Bravo California!”  I hope other states follow your lead.  And to the angry few potential rapists, take heart, no condom is required if you are flying solo.