Archives for November 2021

From the New York Times: 
    “A report that was published on Thursday is reviving the debate over how the pandemic began — and the identity of the first victim of the SARS-CoV-2 virus.”  Michael Worobey, a leading expert on the evolution of viruses from The University of Arizona, makes a strong case for the first known case to be a vendor in the animal market.

While the true origin of the virus may never be verified, we are certain that the cause for its rapid spread over 700,000 deaths in the United States was the lies and ignorance of an animal known for its orange color, straw hair, raging narcissism and xenophobia.  And even though though he was exterminated from the nation’s capital, his unique virus of hate and fear continues to spread.

I wonder if it’s possible for Orkin or Terminix to tent Palm Beach, Florida?

We all want to be viewed as trustworthy but how can we tell if someone truly trusts us?
Dr. Fontainebleu Shweinhunt of the Schmeckle Clinic in Lake Zurich, (Illinois, that is, not the real Lake Zurich), in cooperation with the Grey-Sloan Memorial Hospital Psychological Research Project in Seattle, Washington, sought to answer this question in hopes of winning the prestigious Harper-Avery award for breakthrough medical discoveries.  They presented their breakthrough findings at this year’s World Medical Lollapalooza Convention in Paris, (Paris Idaho, not the real one). They have isolated an infallible test to determine without question if someone trusts you.  What follows is nothing short of amazing.

To find out if someone truly trusts you:
Arrange to be alone with the person you wish to test and say the following: 
“Open your mouth and close your eyes and you will get a big surprise.”

If the subject complies, they trust you implicitly!
But think carefully about your next move.  It can go terribly wrong.

Khalifa is an Arabic Word literally meaning successor, ruler or leader.  But what is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word?
Let’s look at the options. 
If you said:

• Khalifa al Burj – You are probably interested in architecture or travel as it is one of the world’s tallest buildings and an artistic wonder located in Dubai, United Arab Emirates.
• Wiz Khalifa – You are a music lover or one of the zillion people that have listened to his duet with Charlie Puth honoring Paul Walker, now updated as a tribute to Kobe Bryant.
• Khalifa Haftar – You are interested in world politics or a native of Libya as he has just announced he will run for leader of the country.
• Mia Khalifa – You need to delete your browsing history and seek professional help as you may be addicted to porn. Ms. Khalifa is no longer in the business.  (or so I’ve heard…?).

Today’s cultural lesson presented as a public service.

One might rightfully guess Tetrodotoxin, the venom of the Puffer Fish, a substance 1,200 more poisonous than cyanide.

Close, but it appears that the venomous lies spewed from Fox News is 1,200 times worse.  It makes people stupid enough to believe what they hear and seeks to undermine the stability of our republic.  But it makes sense; doesn’t Tucker Carlson resemble a Puffer Fish.  He is certainly filled with enough hot air to inflate his ego to 1.200 times that of a caring human being.

I love science!

The restaurants of San Sebastián, population 186,000, have earned 18 Michelin stars — more per capita than anywhere else on earth.  The beauty of the landscape in this region of Northern Spain’s Basque Country, flaunts multiple coastlines including Playa de la Concha, Europe’s most exquisite urban beach and is surrounded by verdant mountain peaks and the mile-long, wildflower-strewn hike to Monte Igueldo. 

One must ask is it truly the best place to grab a bite?  Perhaps if you choose to take out a second mortgage to afford the three-Michelin-starred cuisine of ARZAK to indulge in a seven-course tasting experience, featuring delights such as velvety foie gras bonbons, methodically spiced volcanic oysters with smoked vegetables and euphoria inducing chocolate truffles.

But for those of us that seek a meal exceeding the expectations one has at ARZAK, and are satisfied with an establishment overlooked by the arrogant faux-gourmand staff of the Michelin Guide, there is only one place on earth for us: The Vienna Beef Factory in Chicago, Illinois.  From the first orgasmic bite of the eponymously name Vienna Beef Hot Dog you will never again be satisfied with lesser cuisine.  The incomparable combination of a snappy casing wrapped around the delectably seasoned filling, bathed in emerald green piccalilli in a swath of piquant yellow mustard, enhanced by tomato, dill pickle, onion and just a hint of celery salt-all floating a billowing cloud, ably represented by a soft, steamed bun dappled with poppy seeds.  Ahhh, I am transported!

If Hot Dogs are wrong, I don’t want to be right!

Not to be confused with a Homonym or Homograph.

It’s all so confusing.  The two words are pronounced the same, spelled differently and have vastly different meanings.
Succor is help, relief, aid, assistance or a person who gives help, etc.
Sucker is a frightened conspiracy theorist that believes the lies of an orange, sociopathic narcissist.

That’s a Wrap.  Or possibly a Rap.

The American Association of Retired Persons, (AARP), is ever vigilant in looking out for the health and well-being of those of us in this stage of our lives; that being the final stage.  Today’s article lists the top 10 risk factors of heart disease.  They include lack of sleep, bad diet, loneliness, stress, sedentary lifestyle, obesity, tobacco and poor dental hygiene. 

That’s a lot to remember so I follow the much simpler “Transylvanian Association of Retired Persons (TARP) Guide to a Healthy Heart.”   TARP’s only rule for heart health is to avoid contact with anyone named Van Helsing; a person easily identifiable by the sharp wooden stakes and mallet he carries with him at all times. 

Following TARPs guidelines I may live forever.

In a new era of cooperation, Chinese leaders  have, at last, shared the ancient secret to making tea. See this diagram off a box of imported pu’erh that I just purchased.
All the wasted years, all the wasted teabags…How was I to know you put the hot water in a cup?  That is hot water, right?

Shia Shia Ni, China! A grateful nation says “Thanks!”

Veterans Day is always on November 11th because the fighting in World War I ended with an armistice on the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month in 1918.

The more important point is to take the time to remember and honor all Veterans, past and present that fought for us.  Regardless of our personal feelings about war, we owe a lot to those that served, even more than the 10% discount they receive at the local builder’s supply.  So let’s not twist the memory of our Veteran’s service by preventing those that choose to do so from exercising their right to legally protest injustice in our country.  Those are the same rights our Veterans sought to preserve.

No one gave their life for a flag.  The battle was for what that flag represents.   So take a knee, don’t take a knee, but quit railing against those that exercise their constitutional rights because they have a different view.  Isn’t that the America for which they fought; the one we all want?