Archives for September 2021

About 500 BC Confucius had life figured out, “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”
(That is a translation as modern historians believe he spoke Chinese).

In 1845 Henry David Thoreau moved to the shore of Walden Pond.  Two years later he wrote this very clear insight into coping with a complex world, 
“Our Life is Frittered Away by Detail. Simplify, Simplify, Simplify!

In 1964 Tevya the Milkman sang “If I Were a Rich Man” to adoring crowds on Broadway, explaining that when posed questions on life’s most puzzling mysteries, “It won’t make one bit of difference if I answer right or wrong.  When you’re rich they think you really know!”

Then on January 20, 2016 a rich sociopath with deep ties to Russia and lacking even a shred or empathy for his people rose to power and brought the lesson full circle.
He pretended it was complicated to instill fear, misrepresented his non-existent intellect and misinterpreted the mantra in keeping with his diminished intelligence as Simply Lie, Simply Lie, Simply lie!

It is that simple.

“The world always seems a little brighter when you’ve just created something that wasn’t there before.”   Neil Gaiman, English Author.
It is rumored he uttered the quote while staring into a porcelain bowl in the men’s room at Royal Albert Hall, after which he flushed and expressed the hope to again brighten the world the following day. 

MAMMONISM   [ mam–uh-niz-uhm ]
The greedy pursuit of riches.

From the Noun:  Mammon:
1.   New Testament. riches or material wealth. Matthew 6:24; Luke 16:9,11,13.
2.  A personification of riches as an evil spirit or deity.

I always just refer to it as tithing, the collection plate or the building fund.

Considering that truth in advertising (or politics) almost non-existent, it is easy to miss a truly important story, one that is truthful and honestly helps the average American stretch their dollar and bring a family closer together.  Fortunately you have come to the one place on the internet where truth reigns supreme and the welfare of the common man is the only agenda. 

In this spirit I inform you of the following special offer from one of America’s foremost purveyor of culinary delights for matriculating students, Vienna Beef!   This month, under the heading “Back to School Essentials” they are offering $10.00 discount, you heard me, $10.00 off Bagel Dogs.  And not just the standard 5# box of 14 dogs but also on the 3# box of 54 minis!   WOW!  Use discount code DKABZQ at viennabeef.com.

VIENNA BEEF, a grateful (and hungry) America salutes you!

A day off work for everyone is great but we must do more for the workers and their families as they are the real strength of America.  
Let’s celebrate the American Worker by declaring some other needed holidays:  A few suggestions:

• National Healthcare Day – Commemorating the passage of Universal Healthcare for all Americans.
• American Education Day – Memorializing the introduction of a system of education that allows everyone an affordable path to an academic degree or vocational certification.
• Sensible Minimum Wage Day – Celebrating the mandating of a living wage for all workers.
• Bastille Day USA – A day to take pride in reduced numbers of prisons and the end of private prisons for profit through the decriminalization of Cannabis and a focus on opportunity and rehabilitation over punishment.

There goes the radical left again, wanting a government responsive to the needs of its people…TRAITORS!

The Question; What is the strongest insect in the world? The Horned Dung Beetle (Onthophagus Taurus) is capable of pulling 1141 times its body weight in dung despite being just 10 millimeters (about 1/3 inch) long. 

Coincidentally the dung beetle has two equivalents in the animal kingdom; The Loudmouth Televangelist (Money-grubbus Charlatanis) and The Hypocritical Congress Person (Scumbagus Maximus), both spew 1411 times their body weight in horse manure daily and the average length of the male’s genitals is 10 millimeters.

So many lessons to learn from Nature!

But at least I have attained greatness in two separate disciplines.  Can you say the same Will Shakespeare, Maria Callas, Wolfgang Mozart or Madame Curie?
(Wait, scratch Madame Curie.  She won Nobel Prizes in Physics and Chemistry, but that’s almost the same thing, science is science, right?)

Mushrooms, mold, and other fungi were once considered plants when in reality, their cell structure is more similar to that of animals.  Fungi are one of the most commonly found organisms on the planet, yet scientists admit there’s still so much to learn about them.  I know science and truth have not been very popular these last 4 or 5 years but there is a lesson here.  

Agronomists can save our nation!  If we can change the main crop in Florida from citrus and the main crop in Texas from hate and ignorance to mushrooms, we might be able to clean up two of the three most toxic sites in our country.  Then on the The Capitol!

An added bonus:  An abundance of low cost Mushroom Risotto to be enjoyed by all, YUM!

It must really suck to be a comedian today.  In the past no subject was taboo.  We made jokes about really horrible subjects meant to alleviate pain, not cause it.  We knew they were jokes and laughter is the best medicine, that is, after you’ve been vaccinated.
In 1964 Lenny Bruce went to prison for saying things on stage you can now here on Sesame Street…perhaps a slight exaggeration…but the window of acceptability has certainly narrowed.  Let’s take a peek back before the PC virus hit.
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Mel Brooks’ Classic “The Producers” was about con men producing a Nazi play with the title song lyrics Springtime for Hitler and Germany, Winter for Poland and France.

The Leprosy Song: There goes my eyeball into your highball.  Better kiss me quick, there goes my lower lip.

Fatal Crashes:
Me:     I have good news and bad news.  A bus load of lawyers drove off a cliff.
You:  That’s terrible.  What’s the good news?
Me:   That is the good news.  The bad news?  There was an empty seat…Rudy Giuliani couldn’t afford a ticket. (I may have updated this one just a bit).

But you can’t say these today.  Oops.

First off I don’t judge.  What consenting adults do with their tuning forks in the privacy of their own home is none of my business.
But for those of us whose tuning forks have been laying dormant, there is a recent innovation I discovered on the bastion of truth and morality we call the internet.  It is Energy Medicine Yoga (EMY).  Apparently you can access the quantum field (and I assume that’s a good thing) with EMYoga and a tuning fork.

What does the average person need to do to become enlightened and gain life-changing access to the quantum field?   
Fork over $109.00 a month for 3 months or save nothing with a single payment of $297.00!
And all I have been squandering my money on is food, rent and clothing (and this website), when a Certificate of Enlightenment was so affordable.

Sad to think if  Buddha had only been born a few years later, he might have taken the offer and found nirvana without wasting all that time meditating!