Archives for July 2021

Many people share credit for the origins of the gas mask including Leonardo da Vinci for a rudimentary air filter and Garret Morgan for the “Smoke Hood” a predecessor to the gas mask (Interestingly he also invented the 3 position traffic Signal).  But I believe Benjamin Lane is the man to whom we owe a debt of gratitude.  On July 2nd 1850, Benjamin Lane of Cambridge, Massachusetts received the first U.S. Patent Number US7476 A for a self-contained breathing apparatus called the gas mask. And how life changed for the better!  How so?  Read on.

We all know beans are a wonderful low cost source of protein, fiber, vitamins and are rich in antioxidants, but up to this point in history the wonder food was relegated to feeding hungry cowboys on the prairie (See “Blazing Saddles”).   In the 1850s homes were small and lacked proper ventilation making the atmosphere created by serving of beans quite unpleasant.  The breathing apparatus invented by Lane made it possible for beans to make the leap from Wild West campfire fare to a staple in the American home.  I am told there were other uses for the gas mask as well but, who knows?

So this month, while happily singing the traditional after-meal song “Beans, Beans, The Musical Fruit” throw a little love and gratitude to Ben Lane, American Hero.

Linda and I have given up on television with the exception of Netflix and Amazon.  For the first time (I know we are 17 years late) we actually started watching “Grey’s Anatomy.”  The Surgery scenes are so realistic it has inspired me to finally make a career choice.  I am going to become a surgeon. Not a popular choice at 70 but I have a genius plan.

     I am going to take a cue from Kim Kardashian and skip the college degree part.  I know the legal profession is a piece of cake compared to medicine but Kim is an influencer and consider me influenced to lower the bar on all professions.  All those numbskulls that actually spend 3 years in law school or four in med school are fools.  If only they were inexplicable success stories like her they could buy their way in.  Anyway, I know it sounds strange and being a doctor requires actual schooling.  But I have a plan.

First I will power-watch all 17 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy to earn my provisional medical license.  It will only allow me to perform surgery on Reality TV stars, Internet Influencers and politicians, so if I lose a patient the world will be a better place.   We all win! 

Cheesy attempt to mirror the “Glass half-full or Half-empty’ metaphor aside, whether you believe the year to be half-full or half-empty, it is truly half-over.
From this day forward all conversations you have with a person 60 years+ old where the date is mentioned will include some form of the following statements:

• “How time flies!”
• “Where does the time go?”
• “It’s going faster each year.”
• “I can’t believe the year is half over.”
• ” But we just celebrated New Year’s Eve?”
• “July 1st, Unf*****g believable!”
• “I can’t believe I’m still here.”
• “Can I borrow a few bucks?”  (That one is unique to me and does not require mention of a date).