Archives for July 2021

Every morning I am greeted with over 100 new and wondrous messages in my email inbox. They include the following subject lines:
Bed, Bath and Beyond – Best Buy – Command Cooking – NPR Books – Victoria’s Secret (How did they get my email?) – Eat This Not That – CafePress – People News – Fareed’s Daily Briefing – Fox News Fair and Balanced Reporting (Just kidding, wanted to see if you were still reading) – National Geographic – Road Scholar – Pottery Barn (I am secure in my masculinity and not afraid to explore my feminine side, you handsome devil!) – Inspiring Quotes – International Living – Male Enhancement Products (They don’t really work…do they?) – Silver Singles and eHarmony (Tried 100 times to unsubscribe, really!) – WalkinTub for Seniors (Yeah, like I bathe) – Word Genius – Omaze – Robinhood Snacks – Tucker Carlson Eats Dog-Doo (Again kidding, but it does sound reasonable) – We Talk About Books – Amor Towles – Good Reads – Edgar Cayce A.R.E. – My Jewish Learning – Red Letter Christians – Quartz Daily Brief -AND MANY,MANY MORE!  It’s a wonder that I find the time to squeeze in my 6 meals a day.

I’m  still waiting for an email with the following subject line:
“Congratulations! Good News from Your Friends at the Lottery!”

The oldest continually occupied city in the United States is St. Augustine, Florida, founded by Spain in 1565.  Spain held the Florida territory for 200 years when it reached an agreement with the just over 40 year old United States.  The selling price for the Florida Territory was the US taking responsibility for the $5 Million in claims against the Spanish by American citizens.  On July 10, 1881, Spain walked away from the land debt free.

To date, after innumerable negotiations and pleas from America, Spain has refused to take Florida back.  

Compulsion and Crazy meet daily at Mar-A-Lago in Palm Beach, but as far as anyone knows Common Sense has never been invited to the party.

My wife asked me that last night and I had to be honest.

“No Dear. Some people may think they have symptoms but it’s like fibromyalgia, a malady made up by drug companies for profit and Shonda Rhimes to keep “Grey’s Anatomy” on for 17 years.  Now turn the light switch off…and on, and off and on, and off,  circle the bed backwards 3 times and go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep!”

John Keats reminds us that there is only one ultimate beauty in this world, Truth.  With the proliferation of lies that permeate our society I thought you might enjoy a minute of truth. Enjoy!

• 31% of all National Parks are located in Alaska and California.
• Grapefruit and Grapes have similar names because both grow in clusters.
• A combination of two words such as brunch, spork and smog is called a portmanteau.
• Julius is the official name of the Pringles mascot.
• There are 2.4 Million people named Smith, the most common name in the USA.  Jones comes in 5th at about 1.6 million.
• The U.S. Presidential Election went without any widespread voter fraud and the results are correct.
• The melody from “My County ‘Tis of Thee” is shared by 7 National Anthems.
• Even though he never played for them, the Miami Heat retired Michael Jordan’s #23 Jersey.

When it combines being an ass with rampant hypocrisy for selfish motives, J.D. Vance, author of the bestselling memoir “Hillbilly Elegy” has a lot of competition but emerges as the clear winner.  He is trading in his beliefs to make a run for the Ohio Senate.  The prospects are good as he is basing his entire campaign on lies, a technique which seems to be the most sought after skill in politics these days.  The fact that he is stupid enough to think that this capitulation to evil will get him a senate seat proves you can be literate and still clueless.  Is that the definition of “Hillbilly?”
James David:  Whether you win or lose (my $2.00 is on you losing) you will never regain the self-respect you traded for what you perceive as a political edge.  Fast forward to post election morning.  Scene: J.D. Vance pacing in his bathroom wearing only maga Underoos pulling at his hair and beating his chest: “Stupid, stupid, stupid, what was I thinking? Stupid stupid stupid…”

Don’t know to what the H.E. Double toothpicks I am referring?  GOOGLE it Einstein!

I get a daily email from “Eat This Not That” the above title being the most recent subject line.  Spoiler Alert: Of the many sugary, creamy and carbonated items McDonalds offers the worst choice for a healthy item is the Strawberry Shake.
After extensive research I have developed a simple method of determining the nutritional value of an item.  If it says any of these key words at the top of your menu, whatever you choose is not likely to contribute to a healthy lifestyle:

• McDonald’s
• Jollibee
• Jack-in-the-Box
• Popeye’s
• Wendy’s
• Chick-fil-A
• KFC
• In-N-Out
• Etc. Etc. You get it, right?

You will notice the glaring absence of Burger King from the list.  Its omission is not by mistake.  Health concerns fade when presented with the juicy goodness of Flame Broiling!

And for those of you deluded souls who think you are eating healthy at Chick-fil-A,
your ignorance is best explained by a quote from  The Book Of Bernie 24:7: “What thou art full of is not Chicken!”

Yes, it is.  But there is so much more to celebrate!

On this day in 1884 the first bullfight in The United States took place in Dodge City, Kansas.  Although bullfighting as a sport failed to catch on and has since become illegal in our country, the major byproduct of the bull, “Bullshit,” continued to gain in popularity and reached its pinnacle when, on October 7, 1996,  Fox News began broadcasting, spreading their brand of manure, managing to avoid any speck of truth and giving a voice to racists, fringe groups and fearful masses lacking the brains to think on their own. 

It is also “Sidewalk Egg Frying Day” so if you are anywhere near Oatman, AZ today, check out the Solar Egg Frying Contest.**
**Be sure to check with your Cardiologist before attending to make sure your heart can withstand the excitement.