Archives for July 2021

Dear Betterfredthandead-heads:
      In my selfless attempt to impart the wisdom of the ages to my dedicated and reverent followers I may have been a bit too obscure in my previous posts, leaving doubt about my true intentions.  Looking back over my communications I see where I appeared to suggest my legion of devotees provide me, at their expense, trifles like a million dollars in cash, tickets for an insanely expensive world tour or a myriad of alternative examples of corporeal wealth.  I want to set the record straight. 

I am in no way suggesting you give me money.  Your adoration is sufficient payment for all I do.  But if you are moved to provide me with worldly tokens of your affection, far be it from to interfere with your humanitarian desires.  The saying goes “you can’t take it with you,” so if you are moved to get up off of some of those big bucks gathering cobwebs in a Health Savings Account or aimlessly idling in your children’s college fund, feel free to push a little my way, who’s to stop you?  

It’s like my therapist says when I fall behind: “If you don’t pay for the sessions you can’t get better!”  

Google that question and you will get a long list of choices.  You can research how much is enough: to retire, to retire at 55, sleep, money, protein, fiber (important!), vitamin D (my doctor says 2,000u a day), whining about the government (I made that up), etcetera, etcetera and etcetera.

The question is truly personal and everyone must think deeply before answering; only you know the truth.  Many of you will never be able to formulate a definitive answer. But as you can imagine, I have been able to and will share the details with you in hopes of inspiring you to set sails on your personal voyage of self-discovery.

How much is enough? $1,000,000 in cash, after taxes. That’s enough.  Do you know how to set up a “Go Fund Me?”

 

No nimrod, global warming or climate change is not a good thing so please, I said please, quit denying the science because you’re afraid of reality; it’s too scary.  But, in the interest of free speech (or is that Fred speech) and scholarly dialogue for which this site is known…(hmmmm?)…I share an interesting fact that may have some origins in a changing climate change.

This year Bristol Bay, Alaska, is recording record catches of Sockeye Salmon.  Bristol Bay’s Nushagak District topped 1 million fish per day for seven consecutive days and edged the 2 million mark several times; great news for salmon lovers although I did not see a single positive article about it in this week’s Vegan Times Newsletter.”

Hold on.  Before you start worshipping at the altar of the orange, straw-headed leader of the church of alternative facts (aka lies), know that the Alaska Department of Fish and Game is forecasting a generally low salmon harvest by historical standards.

So recycle wherever possible, conserve water and other natural resources, support alternative energy research and fire up the grill; I like my Sockeye Salmon medium rare with rosemary and Linda’s dill sauce!

I know  whenever it is time to get me a gift (no time like the present) you struggle with finding something meaningful knowing I already possess the world’s greatest treasure.  Today I received a letter that is going to make your decision easy!  Not only is it the perfect thoughtful gift but it will repay you by giving me endless stories and dozens of vacation photos to share with everyone.
Road Scholar is offering a world tour in a private plane for a select group of discerning people like, Moi.   We will visit The Great Pyramid of Giza, Petra, The Taj Mahal, Angkor Wat, Borobudur Temple Complex in Indonesia and Stonehenge (been there, done that one). 
THE BEST PART? Airfare is Free!  The only cost to you will be tickets for me and Linda. Just $59,000 each. But again, we will fly to London for FREE!

Information at  www.roadscholar.org/private-jet  and please feel free to get yourself a ticket and come along…it’s the least I can do to say “Thanks!”

Join the crowds rushing to Deepak Chopra’s Whole Health Retreat.

If you have $7,800 to drop on a long weekend in the Sonoran Desert feel free to join Deepak and the One-Percent in a journey of discovery and shameless hedonism reserved only for those with the means to pay.  For the rest I offer a quick “Highlights” course which will provide the same emotional release minus the pleasurable hot and cold Aqua Therapy Circuit and Happy Ending but, on the plus side, not max-out your credit card ’cause here it don’t cost nothin’.  (Without a masseuse a battery operated device may be required)

We will focus on just two of the seven:

• Step 2:  Identify the emotion.  Try “I Feel___________” (sad, angry, hurt, etc.)
• Step 4:  Express the emotion to yourself: Journal the feeling in detail.

Let’s give it a try:
     * I feel angry and exasperated at those who refuse to get vaccinated.
    **Dear Journal:  These freakin’ morons that are so mentally challenged they live in fear and buy into the drivel of imbeciles who warn against it (although they all have had the vaccine) and deny science so they can gain political power and unlimited wealth.  Who do they think they are, Televangelists?  May they live to see the error of their ways and then suffer agonizing damnation in the fire pits of hell by being forced to eternally watch reruns of “Keeping up with the Kardashians!”

Wow, I feel better.  Thanks Deepak!

Sure China is rolling warships off the assembly line daily, choking off the South China Sea, one of the world’s busiest and most important shipping lanes and yes, they have allowed many American adoptions of Chinese children (with chips implanted so they can keep track for the uprising, (see “101 Conspiracy Theories” by Ima Headcase).

But let’s keep in mind all the good they have done:

• Dim Sum:  Delicate pork buns and creamy egg custard tarts, Yum!
• Green Tea:  Have you had your daily dose of antioxidants?
• Chinese Checkers:  A game so boring even kids don’t want to play.
• Charlie Chan:  A Chinese detective so inscrutable he was portrayed by a Caucasian in the movies.
• The Tang Dynasty:  Tang, the wonderful orange drink that quenched the thirst of USA Astronauts for years.
• Panda Express:  Noodles or rice?  You choose!

A tip of the cap to our Asian friends!

Here are 3 more of the titles from Katie’s Couric’s Blog “Wake Up Call” this week:

• A Legacy of Pain
• A Flood of Devastation
• Overdose Deaths Hit All-Time High

Open Letter to Katie:
    C’mon Katie.  How about some good news from “America’s Sweetheart?”  That’s what we need from you, not a daily spate of reality or whack-job conspiracy theories like the ones Fox News posts.  You wrote a book, you’re going on tour, you have a lyrical voice unlike some that make your ears bleed (see tucker carlson).  You are an erudite voice of reason surrounded by a cesspool of misinformation.  Keep these facts in mind and give us some uplifting personal stories on these important topics:

• Your secret?  You are 64 years old and still adorable; you have…The Allure!
• You were so Pretty in Pink at your daughter’s wedding. Who designed the dress?
• How you won the George Foster Peabody Award for your life-saving reports on Colon Cancer and the undying gratitude of the many Gastroenterologist’s who have you to thank for their Porsche 911 Turbo S because of increased business.
• You made a lot less  money than Matt Lauer but kept your poise, didn’t exit in disgrace, (like Matt), and now you are “Going There” in print.

      Bravo Katie…ease up on us!

How tired are you of hearing a bunch of old curmudgeons whine about the Millennials, those sainted souls born between 1981 and 1996, calling them a generation of self-centered lazy whiners who expect everything they want handed to them on a silver platter by their parents and employers without the hard work and sacrifice attributed to previous generations.  As a late Baby Boomer I want to say a word support and show empathy for this misunderstood group of valiant warriors.

Millennial sensibilities are bold and not for the faint of heart.  They are bastions of enviable qualities.  Free-thinking and creative; “Rules? We don’t need no stinking rules.”  They are open and adaptive to change, “This 8 hours a day is not working for me.”  They Value social interactions in the workplace and possess Intuitive knowledge of technology, “Hey everyone gather ’round, I figured out how to get through our firewall to Twitter!” And they are openly receptive to feedback and recognition, “I was on-time 3 days this week. You’d think one of the jerk-wad managers around here would notice!”

The future of our nation is in good hands!  (Yikes!)

 

You try living under the pressure of having to keep a positive attitude when struggling to order food from Door Dash on a Monday where you are criticized at the office for taking a mental health day because lounging all weekend and having to call your parents about increasing your monthly allowance…again, then find an Uber during rush hour to avoid walking three blocks to spend $8 on a tall skinny half-caf with 2 shots of peppermint and double calf liver foam.
Not so attractive a thought now is it?  A little empathy for our egocentric brothers and sisters!

 

Confusing I know.  You are reading this third and it is, if you go by date, the first of three consecutive posts praising the Millennial Generation. But if you look at the order of the posts this is the 1st.  The reverse order is a conundrum with which i have made peace. Deal with it.

According to an article in USA Today, the newspaper for those with the attention span of a housefly, “People born between 1980 and 2000 are the most civic-minded since the generation of the 1930s and 1940s, Millennials believe in the value of political engagement and are convinced that government can be a powerful force for good. 

Now that’s just stupid!