Archives for June 2021

Today we introduce a new feature: “ASK FREDERICK?” 
As the possessor of vast knowledge and infinite common sense I feel it my mission in life to share with you my life-changing revelations acquired from years of experience.  I will do so by answering questions submitted by my adoring fans.  
Here is the first letter I received just yesterday:

“Dear Frederick:
I am a lifelong supporter of the Second Amendment, abolition of all programs for the needy (aka radical left socialism), ending taxation of the rich so they can create jobs, cutting Social Security, Medicare and reversing the illegal outcome of the last election that was stolen by the democrats.  As a concerned citizen (MAGA!!) I want to throw my hat in the ring and seek elected office.  How do I enter politics?
Future President

Dear Future:  The process is simple.  To get on most ballots you need to get a certain amount of signatures on a petition to show you are a viable candidate.  The number of signatures needed varies with geography and population. You need to pick an office and then comply with election laws. Here is a list of offices for which you qualify:
Mayor of CrazyTown
Senator from the Great State Nut-Sylvania
Delirious-in-Chief:
Secretary of Shite
Commissioner of Cuckoo
Superintendent of Screw Loose

In a word: RUMSPRINGA!
Rumspringa is the rite of passage where Amish youth are allowed to live outside the community for varying periods of time, perhaps up to two years, and are not bound to follow their religious tenants which most of the world outside their community find strict and repressive.  But while they are out they can party like it’s 1999!
Other religions have their rites where anything goes as well.  But they call it Altar Boy Training.

On this day in 1982 Steven Spielberg premiered his amazing film “E.T. The Extraterrestrial” and the world was transformed.  Many living in fear saw the possibility of hope and friendship in the unknown.  The film genre turned from featuring murderous aliens bent on our destruction to enlightened beings with hearts of gold.
We became so accepting of the possibility alien cultures exist for our benefit that we may have, in 2017, elected an alien being to the highest office in our country.  But instead of hope and love he brought back hate and fear and sought to destroy all that had been gained.  Still, we are a compassionate race and while we do not as yet have the technology to return him and his coven to their native planet, we can create a reasonable facsimile for him to live out his life in peace.
Hope has returned as we are optimistic he will soon be transported to an idyllic *’8′ x 10′ cell on Riker’s Island.

Is it the monetary unit of Japan?  “Let’s add it up, a condom, a can of whipped cream and a copy of War and Peace; that will be 3 yen.”
Is it half a busybody or an incorrigible gossip?  “She’s a Yen-TA.”
Is it a craving for some food?   Hannibal Lecter “I have a yen for your liver with a side of fava beans and a nice chianti.”

It is all these things…and more!

Synecdoche
Pronunciation
[Sin-A-Doosh]

The fear that the use of vinegar and water is an act prohibited in The Bible.

Editor’s Note: Yes, once again the author has stretched reality reaching for a cheesy pun but what can I do…it’s his website?

Here’s a beautiful Sunday thought from the teachings of Edgar Cayce:

“Be more gentle, more loving, more kind to all; for little by little we gain that understanding that comes from keeping a heart, a mind, a life in the light.”   (ECRL 262-7)

Here’s the one more often heard from Televangelists:

“Sew a seed of faith by sending every dime you have and ye shall be rewarded at a date to be named later. Oh, BTW, anybody that thinks differently is satan’s emissary.  Visa, MC and PayPal accepted.  Ask me about Venmo!”

While this note is dated June 5th it is actually being written on June 7th.  Looking back on my Daily Inflammations I see I actually missed posting on the 5th.  In order to maintain my commitment to a daily entry I quickly came up with this most insincere of apologies, (you can’t see but I have my fingers crossed and am sneering at you with disdain) and offer this space filler to the one or two people who may have accidently stumbled on this site. 

You can’t see me but my middle finger is thrusted forward and extended upward, not meant for you…well not for most of you, but rather a rude gesture to express my dissatisfaction with all things Cryptocurrency. And just when I thought I could not understand it any less, I see this article:

TESLA COMPETITOR BECOMES THE FIRST TO MINE DOGECOIN, BITCOIN, ETHEREUM WITH PARKED ELECTRIC CARS
Daymark, Inc. a Canadian electric vehicle company announced that its upcoming “Spiritus” electric car will be capable of mining cryptocurrencies while parked.

What does that even mean?  It earns money while parked, just sitting and playing with a computer?
Actually…thinking about it, that’s no big deal.  I did the same thing parked at my desk for the last 10 years.

It’s a Weight-Loss Miracle.
According to a study by the University of Southern California and advanced by the AARP the most effective way to curb your desire to snack is to eat your meals with your nondominant hand.  Stop snacking, lose weight. The discomfort you feel may act as mild form of aversion therapy.
This is just one of many advantages of nondominant hand usage identified by multiple research studies.  I currently use my nondominant left hand to wave, turn pages in a book, lift a glass and write a phone number as well as many other innocuous activities as it may help maintain mental acuity as we age.

That leaves only one activity that requires my dominant hand to achieve the desired results.  Fortunately the frequency of this activity assures that my right hand will never atrophy.

In 1932 fisherman George W. Perry, caught the world record largemouth bass, weighing in at 22 pounds, 4 ounces, at Lake Montgomery, Georgia.
Georgia still holds the record for the biggest largemouth bass ever caught, but when it comes to its human equivalent, people with small brains and large mouths, they have a ways to go.  The current leader board has Texas and Florida politicians holding the top spots.  The competition is just heating up and there is no shortage of contenders.  Stay tuned…