Archives for June 2021

To all of us who are blessed to have children, enjoy the attention!  But do you know why we chose to assign a special day to celebrate fatherhood?  It is really quite a fun and heartwarming tale I share with you here.  This is a forum usually meant to inflame, but today it’s meant to spread the love.
Father’s Day has its origins all the way back to the beginning of time; you know, about 3,000 years ago when dinosaurs roamed the Garden of Eden.
Fast forward to Eve and the apple, the fig leaf becoming a fashion statement (still shunned by the Kardashians as not revealing enough) and the whole pain in childbirth thing.
Cut to the chase:  The man and woman fall in love and get married, and ONLY when they are married, do the husband-wife thing and a child results.***. During the birth the man suffers greatly.  He must silently withstand dark curses from his wife as she loudly and with much profanity forbids him from ever again laying a hand on her.   The powers that be (retail merchants looking to boost sales), came up with Fathers Day to reward the men for putting up with this unwarranted verbal abuse.  We men are only human; So there!
You may have heard some gibberish about the year 1908 when Sonora Dodd devised a day honoring her Civil War veteran dad William Jackson Smart or something about a 1972 Declaration signed by President Nixon but…who you gonna believe?

***Know that at some point within the next 10 years that same child will open your bedroom door without knocking, walk in on you doing the husband-wife thing and ask you what you are doing.   As you will not be in the best position to improvise, be sure to have memorized your story about practicing for the office intramural wrestling tournament. 

Juneteenth commemorates the total abolition of slavery in the U.S. that took place in Galveston Bay, Texas, on June 19, 1865 when the last group of enslaved African Americans were notified of their freedom by Union soldiers, two years after President Lincoln signed The Emancipation Proclamation.
Apparently not all politicians are aware of that event.  Does Texas, South Carolina, Kentucky, Wisconsin, Florida and too many others have television, newspapers or the internet?
Maybe someone can let them in on the news, slavery has been abolished…sort of. 

A Priest, Rabbi and Minister, Wednesday night regulars, walk into “The Punchline Bar & Grille”  They ask for a table and are told to go to Helen Hunt for one; she is the hostess and wife of Mike Hunt, the entertainer and Stan Dupp the bouncer.  The only open table is twenty steps from the restrooms and has a picture on the wall of the bar’s best customer, I.P. Freely.  As they sit Will E. Make-it and Betty Won’t pass by quickly on the way to use the facilities.  
Their server comes over and introduces herself as Svetlana.  She seems a bit testy but they forgive her as she is only wearing one sock and may have cramps.  They say to her, “Ben Dover…is he working tonight?”  Svetlana tells them Ben Dover is off sick but Eileen, the one-legged chef from the IHOP next door is filling in. 
It was a busy night so while waiting for their drinks the trio surveyed the activity around them.  They recognized the man, Seymour Butts, crawling around under the tables.  Next table over a mommy was telling their child to shut up while he walked in circles.  Another boy questioned if his mother was dying because he heard her praying in bed last night yelling “Holy Moses, I’m Coming!”  But the most poignant sight, one that brought a tear to all their eyes, was watching a young man lovingly lift a pretty young lady with no legs, from a type of harness and set her back into her wheelchair.  They had seen her before and were so happy that tonight her date did not leave her hanging.
It was so busy that Helen Hunt didn’t notice the bar was overcrowded.  When the Fire Marshall insisted three people leave immediately, she asked for volunteers.  An Englishman and Frenchman both stood up and exited the bar, proudly saying their sacrifice was for the honor of  Queen and Country.  Next a Texan in a 10-gallon hat headed to the door.  It appeared he was to be the third heroic volunteer, but on the way to the door he shouted “Remember the Alamo” and tossed out Francisco, the bartender, 
That was the final straw for Sir Lancelot who saddled up his Great Dane and exited into the rainy night.

Millions were riveted to their television watching several police cars chase a white Ford Bronco.  The seemingly slow-motion action culminated in the arrest of actor/athlete O.J. Simpsons for double murder.  Mr. Simpson was acquitted of all charges but new information obtained from an anonymous source in  Palm Beach, Florida, has put forth the theory that although innocent, OJ would not pull over because he had had several ballot boxes stuffed with phony democratic votes for Joe Biden that would someday steal an election.   

This investigative report definitely gets them nominated for a Pulitzer Prize in Journalism.

“Tori Spelling says she and Dean McDermott don’t sleep in the same bed!”

I have not read the article but my guess is it was a mutual decision.
I assume he got tired of fantasizing he was doing Jenny Garth  and she could no longer stomach his dribbling Cream of Wheat on the pillow case.
Didn’t Tori’s dad have about a bazillion dollars?  Move along Dean.  If Tori’s Mom hasn’t shared the money by now you are most likely S.O.L.

Those were the words of Father Damien Karass’ dead mother, pathetically questioning her son’s choice of placing her in a nursing home. In reality it was only Damien’s guilty conscience that allowed the demon possessing Regan MacNeil  to get in his head and manifest his mother’s pathetic image. 

The demon, in its effort to increase Damien’s agony did something that actually made him feel better.  He intimated that Mom had taken up a new hobby and has eternity to perfect her skills.  She now spends all her time creating a vortex of suction surrounding the male member in a location only arrived at by taking the #5 Ferry down the River Styx.

Get it?  If you were a member of the movie-going public in 1973 or into William Peter Blatty novels you should have no problem. 
Too young?  Figure it out.

In the past I have shared beautiful readings sent to me daily by Edgar Cayce’s A.R.E.  This was Sunday’s Daily Thought.   Interesting?

“(Q) Should I take ultra-violet ray baths? 
(A) When there are periods where the weather provides little or no ultra-violet rays by daylight or strong sunlight, then these are always helpful.”      (ECRL 1158-11)
Here are a few alternative choices of equal to this one:

• Take a daily two hour nap on a tanning bed.
• Ingest a Strontium-90 capsule to put a glow in your day.
• Eat an Apple a day glazed with Alar.
• Don’t want to vaccinate?  Pour a tall glass of disinfectant  and enjoy!

Although I could have gotten some pretty long odds 45 years ago that Linda would be able to put up with me for this long it is true.  An Angel was sent from heaven to take care of me and I was smart enough to realize it immediately and not mess it up. So on this day while we celebrate another anniversary I want to share an oft repeated scene from our marriage so that you may use the technique to create your own Heaven on Earth!  I believe this example of a typical argument will serve to help you understand our unique methods.

Fred:  (after a rant about some stupid little thing) “I’m sorry, baby.”
Linda: “Sorry about what?”
Fred: (not understanding) “About ranting at you about…(Whatever).”
Linda: “Oh, I stopped listening to you an hour ago. Do you want a cup of tea?”

What is most amazing about this historical photograph?

• • •  That in 1968 I had the honor to accompany my teacher, Duane Carter, and a few classmates to the home of my personal hero, Ansel Adams (see 1/2 image at left) to have him judge the Annual Photo Salon of Alexander Hamilton High School in Los Angeles, CA, an exhibition that drew attention far beyond the school walls?
    • That he awarded 1st and 3rd place in the nature category to two of my photographs?
    • That I was so careless I lost the photos and awards in a basement flood in Chicago in 1996?
    • That the handsome, skinny 17 year old with a full head of hair and demonic eyes turned into…well…ME!

Memories…light the corners of my mind…