Archives for May 2021

SPOILER ALERT!

On this week’s episode of reality series “Grey Sloan Memorial Hospital’s E.R”. Delilah Q. Mockracy, (insert cheesy pun here), known to her friends as Dee Mockracy,  abruptly sails into eternity from a subdural hematoma (SDH), a type of bleeding in which a collection of blood—usually associated with a traumatic brain injury that gathers between the inner layer of the dura mater and the arachnoid mater of the meninges surrounding the brain.

It appears that Dee was sitting in front of the television watching “Tucker Carlson Tonight’ on Fox when her brain spontaneously exploded.

Did you ever go to the bottom on an unwanted email, click “Unsubscribe here” and then actually be taken off the list?

Me neither.

I like to think of this as a Teachable Moment, so listen up Grasshopper!

• No Act of Kindness, No matter how small, is ever wasted. (See “The Lion and the Mouse” Aesop 624 BC – 564 BC in your syllabus).
• There is no greater act of grace than a kindness done with no expectation of personal gain or glory. (Said somebody really smart).

From the land of sky blue waters,
From the land of pines, lofty Balsams,
Comes the beer refreshing, Hamm’s the beer refreshing,
Hammmmm’s mmmmmmmmm, Hamm’s!

“Don’t touch that dial…”

I’m from Milwaukee and I oughta know,
It’s draft brewed Blatz Beer where ever you go.
Smoother, fresher, less filling that’s clear.
Blatz is Milwaukee’s finest beer!

If you wish to enjoy your dose of Daily Inflammation commercial free, click to subscribe to BFTDFlix,  Only $4.99999999 per month (less than $5). 
Interesting. A guy who doesn’t drink…rarely…occasionally…I know a lot of beer commercials.
If you listened to baseball in the 1950’s you’d know them too.
My dad was a huge baseball fan.  We always had a game on the radio.
One does not gather this kind of important knowledge in school alone!

Mothers are sacred!  When the name calling started, whether in the schoolyard or prison yard; the workplace or the retirement home card room; even if the fists clenched or the guns were drawn, all combatants instinctively knew and adhered to the single commandment of arguing: “No Mothers!”  Violating the rule was equivalent to a “made man” in the mafia breaking the code of Omerta. There are consequences. Even the proverbial 90 lb. weakling would risk a life-altering beating to pummel a bully in defense of his mother.  We instinctively know Mothers are special.

For those of us whose Mothers are long gone the memories remain.  One of my favorite is when I was 8 years old in Chicago.  One afternoon, for no special reason, no birthday or holiday, my mother came home and brought me an ice cream maker, the toy of my dreams (It was a Wham-o or Tyco…one of the “O” related toy companies). I was so excited I hugged her and said “I love you!” These were not words one heard frequently in our home.

So today, Mom’s Day.  Show her how you feel. I hope you create a memory to last 60 years.  Throw in an extra hug, even if it’s delivered by Zoom.  And if I catch you saying anything bad about my Mom or yours, I’m gonna throw you a beatin’ you won’t soon forget.

History is filled with examples of love’s rocky road ever since Lysander uttered those prescient words to Hermia in the palace of Theseus.  Many Lovers made the ultimate sacrifice.  Juliet awoke to find Romeo taking the dirt nap by her side and sadly joined him.  In 1934 law enforcement officers caught up with star-crossed lovers Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow transforming them into Swiss cheese with 167 bullets.  Some lovers put the good of humanity before their own happiness.  Remember when Rick Blaine forced Ilsa Lund to board the plane to Lisbon?  Ilsa had professed her undying love for Rick months ago, their love story interrupted by the Nazi army marching into Paris (and the temerity of her secret husband Victor Laszlo to turn up alive). 

Although the road to true love can be bumpy and fraught with danger it sometimes does lead to a fairytale ending.  In 1973, Linda and I were introduced by mutual friends who invited us over to play their favorite card game, Hearts.  Afterwards I walked Linda across the courtyard to her apartment and she blocked my attempt to enter saying goodnight while shutting the door in my face.  A week later I asked our friend in to invite Linda to come over for another game of Hearts.  Linda accepted and while she was again able to resist my not-to-subtle invitation at her door, she did agree to a dinner date for the following week.  Saturday night I did laundry, put on my best Ban-Lon shirt and took her to a very chic and expensive seafood restaurant; one I could not afford.  Although the substantial cash outlay did not get the desired result of seeing the inside of her apartment, it did get me the next best thing, a kiss. The rest is history.  From that moment on I had a permanent New Year’s Eve date, almost 50 years so far.

The course of true love did, at last, run smooth.  Linda then shared with me two things she hates most: playing cards and eating fish.

For so many reasons.  But my latest stress-inducer is have to post something every day in this “Daily Inflammation.”  If I’d have thought it out in advance I might have made it the “Weekly Inflammation” or “Whenever I get around to it Inflammation.”  I gave up trying to be funny or clever long ago.  I’d settle for slightly original but how can I remember what I posted 2 months ago with  out rereading all the umpteen pages daily?  Duplicates are inevitable.  I am so stressed my stomach is twisted in knots; I can’t eat! (  Note to self: Write best-selling weight loss book “The Soul-Crushing Stress diet”).

You know I have done this to myself for your entertainment.  I am adversely affecting my health and mental well-being so that you may enjoy a brief respite from the reality of the Covid-19 Infected world.  I am doing this for YOU so I now realize it’s ALL YOUR FAULT!  THANKS, PAL! 
(Whew, I feel better already.  Blame Shifting worked the last four years in D.C.  Why not here?)

Hundreds of years ago in Japan a convict from the county jail, Ko-Ko by name, had been condemned to death by decapitation for unspecified crimes.  Just prior to the punishment being meted out, a series of unlikely events that can only be explained as Divine Intervention, resulted in his last minute reprieve and pardon.  Koko then rose from his lowly station in life to attain the exalted office of Lord High Executioner of the town of Titipu, a plum position reporting directly the Mikado, the deified ruler of all Japan.

As you have already surmised, when it came time for Ko-Ko to do his duty as the office required and separate the next convict’s head from his shoulders, he was not up to the task, and through yet another series of unlikely events that eclipses even those endured by Lemony Snicket in a far distant future tale, Ko-Ko’s seemingly idyllic life crumbled like yesterday’s cornbread.  In the blink of an eye he lied to the Mikado, lost his lovely fiancé Yum-Yum to a wandering minstrel (actually the Mikado’s son), and was forced to marry Katisha, an overbearing and ogre-like maiden of advanced years.

The Moral:  If you want to be an effective leader and retain your high-level position, you are going to have to occasionally make a few heads roll!

Don’t get excited.  I didn’t say it was Mexican Independence Day.  I know that is el diez y seis de septiembre, September 16 to us gringos.
In Mexico, Cinco de Mayo is actually a much lesser holiday celebrating the victory of the Mexican army’s May 5, 1862 victory over France at the Battle of Puebla during the Franco-Mexican War.  For Mexican-Americans it has become a celebration of their glorious culture but for most Americans of any other ethnic background, the battle is one of 365 daily reasons to go to a bar and drink (366 reasons during Leap Year).  

But El Cinco de Mayo is a celebration of independence.  I have a solar-powered spinning globe on my bookshelf inscribed May 5th, 2017, the day I retired.  The last day I dressed for work, got reported to HR for insensitivity (moi?), worried about a monthly profit objective or sucked up to a boss (other than Linda, of course). 

Yes, I am bragging. “In your face!”  Margaritas anyone?

My bank, a major heartless and soul-sucking corporation, published the above titled article on their website.  Hoping to create an impression of caring about anything but profit they authored this deeply moving and brilliant nugget of advice:
“As time goes by, keep offering encouragement, support and making purchases to help out your local businesses as you are able – these meaningful gestures will help sustain businesses and create hope for a brighter future.” 
Though only one of six brilliant ideas, this sage advice stands well above their other gems like “Shop Online,” “Send a Gift to a Friend,” and “Tryout New Services.”

I can only assume they held a séance and channeled the spirit of the great economist John Kenneth Galbraith to come up with the definitive game plan for saving small businesses.  Rest easy America, The major banks and corporations have got it under control.  So what if they avoid paying taxes; they got our back!