Archives for February 2021

After you load the groceries into your car, instead of leaving the cart in the parking space or half on the curb, walk the 10 steps and put the shopping cart into the holding area.  You’ll make the parking lot a little more user friendly, safer and you may actually get into triple digits on your pedometer.

Our investigators track down celebrities, both famous and infamous, to satisfy the curious lust of a consumer popultation that voraciously gobbles up gossip at record speeds. Today we have uncovered the whereabouts of the publicity-shy icon of magic HARRY POTTER!
No surprise.  We found him hiding in plain sight.
Harry chose an innocuous pseudonym, Daniel Radcliffe, and has become, much to his chagrin, a sought after actor, gaining more exposure than he anticipated.  He was last seen in public displaying his naughty bits on the Broadway Stage in the role of Alan Strang in EQUUS.
Still unknown is why a babe like Hermione chose Ron Weasley over him leaving Daniel (Harry) to settle for Ginny.  Judging from his role in the play it was not due to any anatomical problem.

I was “Un-Friended” on Facebook today because my insane liberal views (you know, being an empathetic human being) are so horrific to anyone who can still support that pile of waste we called a president the last four years, that I am no longer worthy of friendship.
OMG! How will I ever go on?  The humiliation is almost too much to bear. I can no longer see their fearful rants about the demise of democracy and hate spewing from the rusted vehicle they call home.  You’ve seen their place. It’s the one raised on concrete blocks with a torn confederate flag on the hood and white sheets on the clothes line).  
Okay. I finally got the message: Anybody who thinks about anything differently than I do is an idiot undeserving of my friendship.  Thanks for clearing that up Facebook!  (also thanks to your Russian handlers.)
 C’est la vie! (Uh Oh, he’s speakin’ like a feriner…must be a spy!).

 

An object can be viewed in many different ways depending on your location and method of observation.  For example: 
              A bar of soap dropped on the shower floor.
From the view of former movie producer Harvey Weinstein it’s a fearsome sight, placing him in great danger as he must bend over to retrieve it.
From his cellmate Bubba’s view, the object positions Harvey directly in his orbit and creates an irresistible opportunity to perform a tricky docking maneuver and take their relationship to the next level.

“As you contemplate, as you meditate, as you look upon the Mind, know the mind has many windows.”  (ECRL 262-78)
Perhaps all you bonehead conspiracy theorists need is some Windex and a soft cloth. 

Science:
        This word is only funny to our friends that are anti-vaxxers or those that believe climate change is a hoax.  Once you get them warmed up talking about science keep the merriment going discussing other wacky concepts like Meteorology, Microbiology and Physiology, almost any “ology” related word.  You’ll keep them in hysterics…literally.
 (Word of caution: Don’t mention Scientology).

After spending all morning unsuccessfully trying to make appointments for our Covid-19 vaccinations I have come to the conclusion that all related sites are broken.
If not, it would mean that I do not possess the basic intelligence and skills needed to use on-line sign-up software.
…Oh, shoot!

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia, a real word?
Yes and it’s supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!
Don’t be jealous. It’s a burden being this erudite.

 

WARNING:  If you suffer from debilitating Osmophobia do NOT read “Mostly Dead Things” by Kristen Arnett.  While wonderfully written and engaging her preoccupation with filth and odors makes me wonder if she suffers from Albutophobia.
Ignore me. I’m just jealous of her talent.

Have you ever sent your saliva to Ancestry.com?  You haven’t been drinking your Smart Water!