Archives for 2020

When was the last time you prayed?  Was it a simple expression of gratitude, “Thank you for the food we are about to eat (without regard to those who are hungry”), or did you make a specific request such as “Please do something about the incurable itch from the fire engine red rash raging in my nether regions?”  Or perhaps selfless plea for assistance on behalf of a friend or relative, “Please have my brother-in-law’s Chlamydia test be negative before my sister finds out I was the one who introduced him to Edwina the Contortionist from my Hot Yoga class (I was just trying to help)?”  Perhaps the plea was something more prosaic like eradication of the Covid-19 virus, reversal of climate change or (yawn) world peace?

Whatever the contents of the prayer it was undoubtedly asking for something you perceive as so important you beseech God to change his master plan to benefit you. He is all-knowing, all-seeing but just somehow overlooked you in your hour of need.  It may be a request that is not so easy to make into a joke; the recovery of a child with a debilitating or life-threatening disease, healthcare for the disenfranchised or the poor or simply sending hope to an individual who has just run out. Although I believe most prayer is incredibly selfish, either for show or to feed an ego that must be sated, I may not know everything; (this is me being self-deprecating to gain your empathy when we all should accept without reservation that I do know everything).

Doesn’t it make sense that if you ask for something the grantor of wishes should somehow be compensated, not in money but in the currency they value?  And it is not regular attendance at a group service, a few coins or bills in a collection plate, donating discarded clothing, or helping out at the Spring Fling Gala.  It IS living your promises all day, every day, without exception.  No hiding behind a few lines written by man, “we are only human, we stray, we are imperfect.” Ahhh, man and his endless rationalizations for bad behavior.  It must be a promise kept for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.

Next time you are imbued with the spirit and offer up a prayer rather than blather on about being grateful for the food you are about to eat, the food that has been provided a minimum of 3 times a day for your entire life,  try something more like this:

Dear Lord:

    Today I answer your prayer; I will do no harm, be empathetic and show compassion for those around me and seek to help those who are less fortunate and suffering regardless of their location, ethnicity or immigration status.  I will tell no lies, commit no acts of transgression, seek to understand and walk in the shoes of others. Today and always I will live the pure essence of __***___. (***fill in the blank: Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Festivusia or ?).

AMEN.

Don’t touch that dial! This is one message you are going to want to hear.

What if I told you there is a product on the market that does the following:

• It will instantly change your life for the better.
• It will take excess weight off your shoulders without giving up dessert or even dieting.
• You will experience an immediate euphoric high without ingesting a single drug.
• It is organic, all natural, toxin free, no additives on any kind.
• Many experience fewer wrinkles and a magical glow without the application of unctuous creams or greasy ointments.
• Most report increased healthy flora in their intestines and have been spotted merrily singing “Oh What a Beautiful Morning” when emerging from the bathroom in record time.
• You will sleep better with no midnight fretting and wake refreshed and inspired.
• It comes with no obligation and a money back guarantee.
• More than a money back guarantee it may well keep you from wasting money.

So who needs a product like this?  Let’s check.

Do you ever experience one or more of the following maladies:

• You open a sentence “I hate… when describing a family member, friend or stranger.
• You are carrying a grudge for forty years, like when Aunt Petunia neglected to send you a card on your birthday.
• You unfriend an acquaintance of 20 years because he supports a candidate you dislike.
• You think you’re so great! (Oh wait, skip that one, that’s a good thing…if you really are).
• Anything or anybody that requires forgiveness.

Okay!  I understand we can’t love everybody.  There is a level of evil so vile, an act of hatred so egregious or an individual so devoid of empathy and compassion (you can’t swing a cat in Washington, DC, without hitting one of those) that there is just no room in your heart to forgive.

Yet unbelievable acts of forgiveness happen frequently. We recently saw the family of a murder victim offer forgiveness to his convicted killer at the sentencing hearing. (Most of the family, not all). So where do we draw the line? Simple answer: your decision? No getting around the old free will Mortimer.

May I make a suggestion? Go ahead and let it all go. But if through your own superpowers you are able to resist my irrefutable logic, then forgive those that keep revisiting your thoughts and interrupt your sleep at night. Yes, those are the ones you find it hardest to understand but remember, you are only troubling yourself. Those you hate either never give you a thought or take great pleasure in upsetting you with their actions. If you can let those go the rest are easy.

The lesson here is one we see repeated throughout our lives.  One clearly related by Matthew Broderick “WarGames” (1983). “The only way to win is not to play.”